I sit by my phone,
Patiently waiting for that text,
That is never going to come.
How do I know that?
Well because I'm the last person on his mind.
My friend that's been in the hospital,
I don't think I matter to him.
It's much like all my other friendships,
I don't really matter,
And it's ok to treat me like shit.
The weather outside fits my mood,
It's cold, dreary, and dark.
I woke up from my nap,
In a cranky mood.
I'm tired of feeling left out,
Like I'm the last one to matter.
I try so hard to get my friends to like me,
But for some reason,
I don't matter.
I want to write,
But I feel a lack of motivation.
I haven't wrote a decent poem,
In a few months.
Tonight I am feeling like shit,
This dam nausea won't go away.
I feel like I'm going to throw up,
Constantly.
And when I actually do,
It doesn't make me feel any better.
I felt nauseous all through dinner,
Purged; and still feel terrible.
I pray the doctor gives me some answers,
To tell me that I'm going to be ok,
Or that I've got some bug that's going to kill me.
I didn't weigh myself this morning,
Which is probably a good thing,
I probably wouldn't have liked,
What it would have had to say.
Thank you to all my new followers,
And to my old ones as well.
It really means the world to me,
That at least I have friends on here.
I hope this post finds you well,
Lots of love,
XOXO Katie
I hope the doctor has a good answer for your nausea :( maybe you have keytones from not eating enough? :s Friends do suck a lot of the time and it's probably the reason I like to isolate myself. I think our social life is a reflection on how we feel about ourselves most of the time because mines been a teeny bit better since I made baby recovery steps. I think that we get so much more support on blogger because we are open about our struggles and feelings. So much harder to apply to real life though!
ReplyDeleteSending nice thoughts your way <3
Ella
Good morning dear, I hope these negatives thoughts have already vanished off your head. I feel like that with friendships sometimes, but you can only try and make things better without too much stress over it. You will never be enough to EVERYONE, so pick couple of people that matter and start from there.
ReplyDeleteI do hope you got the text!
xx
We're always here for you. So are they. sometimes it seems like the world is parting ways, but its our vision that's blinded.
ReplyDeleteThey're looking out for you too.
much love.
xx
I'm sorry you're feeling so alone dear. Your friend in hospital must have a lot on his plate at the moment, please try not to take it to heart - you mentioned he was in quite a bit of pain and his vitals were unstable. I hope the doctor can help with your nausea, it seems to've been going on for a while now. Sending lots of love and hugs xx
ReplyDeleteWe don't talk much.. Never have. There are a few reasons, but not enough to be an actual reason not to talk. I may not comment much on blogger, but I do read all of your posts and I do think about you. I wonder how you're doing, and I miss hanging out with you.
ReplyDelete