The shame and guilt melt off of me,
Like the wax off of a burning candle.
I can't stand to look at myself,
I can't focus on anything else.
I ate all three meals today,
My cereal with milk (240cal),
Subway for lunch (600cal),
Two pieces of pizza for dinner (250cal).
That's a disgusting total of 1,090cal,
Oh my God I am freaking out.
The only thing purged is one piece of pizza,
And a total of 12 laxies today,
Which haven't started taking effect.
I went to the gym,
But only burned 260cal on the stride machine,
Which minus the one piece of pizza (125)
And my burned 260, puts me at;
705cal for the day.
This is why the weight isn't coming off,
This is why I'm stuck at 100.
My weight hasn't budged,
In an entire week.
I feel like the gym was a waste of time,
I feel like a gigantic whale.
I honestly don't care if it's Ana talking,
I am feeling miserable.
I took two Clonazapam,
To take the anxiety away.
They're not working either.
I'm on edge.
Now I feel like a raging bitch,
The Hulk; powerless to stop the negative outbursts.
I can't smile, I can't laugh,
I just want to crawl under a rock.
FUCK FUCK FUCK,
TOO MUCH FUCKING FOOD.
I AM A FAT FUCKING PIG.
THIS IS A MISERABLE FEELING.
I know it's hard, but you did go to the gym and there was protien in the food you ate. So it's not all just fat and shit. Give the meds some time to work, and the laxies as well. Try not to stress over your weight in the morning, it'll eventually go down. I'm wishing you the best. Xxx <3
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