Wednesday, March 4, 2015

I miss you guys so much

I'm sorry it's been so long. Life has been stressful and overwhelming. I wish I came bearing wonderful news about how I'm fully recovered, about how life is perfect and that I'm never looking back.
Before I get into all of that, I'll update you all on my little princess. Syrsha will be 3 months in 6 days. I can't believe how fast she's growing. She's developed quite a personality and smiling all the time. She's almost 11 lbs.

So, in other news, I've been struggling real bad as of lately. My weight has been pretty much the same since 2 weeks after Syrsha was born. A couple weeks ago I gained 3lbs in one weekend. It triggered me so bad. Currently I'm 102. And for the most part, I'm ok with that. But the fear of gaining is what I'm really fighting with. Every time I eat, I freak out. I've started counting calories during meal times. But I can't not eat since I'm breastfeeding. I need to eat as much as I did when I was pregnant to keep her healthy.

I've pretty much kept to myself since Syrsha was born. My anxiety keeps me from reaching out, or going out for that matter. I only talk to one friend and that's my best friend. She's the only one who understands my feelings. Most of the time I want to cry, but I don't because I don't want anyone to see I hurt.

As for my boys, my youngest turned 4 in January. He's become such a wonderful big brother. He loves to help me around the house. He loves to help with the baby. For the most part, he's not an attitudinal little butthead like he used to be. My oldest though, he has taken a turn for the worst. He got put on Strattera at the beginning of February  and it has worsened everything. He's become so aggressive, lying all the time, and refusing to have anything to do with school. I think they are going to switch him to Lithium. That scares me but we are at a loss with him.

T and I are doing great. We don't have much time for just us which wears on us a bit. But we are still being very open with communication. In fact, we finally picked a wedding date. When it becomes official, I'll tell you all.

I apologize for this being so long, it's just been awhile.  I'll leave you with a few pictures. Much love.
Xoxo Katie