I can't stop crying,
Probably because I didn't take my pills last night,
Because I went to a concert and forgot them at home.
I can't stop crying,
Probably because I'm sick of being sick,
This constant nausea won't go away.
I can't stop crying,
Probably because I went to the doctor yesterday,
And got absolutely no answers for my nausea.
I can't stop crying,
Probably because they are testing me again,
For Colon Cancer;
For the 2nd time in less than a year.
I can't stop crying,
Probably because I know that this is all my fault,
That I've damaged my body because of Ana.
I can't stop crying,
Probably because the scale is being unfriendly,
I'm so embarrassed to even say the number.
I can't stop crying,
Probably because I've lost the trust of a friend,
Because he hurt me and I don't know if I'll forgive him.
I can't stop crying,
Probably because a part of me wants my life to end,
Because it'd be easier than constantly being in pain.
I can't stop crying,
Probably because I don't know who I am,
And I don't know if I'll ever find her.
Honey, try to have a relaxed bath and get some sleep, and when you wake up I'm sure your will be a lot more calm :)
ReplyDeleteI know impossible it seems right now, but you're a fighter. Remember when they told you that you had less than a year to live? You beat that. The first time they tested you for colon cancer? You beat that too. You are amazing and I know it. Who you are without your ED is hard to find. But it isn't impossible. And I'll do anything I can to help you. Did the doctors give you any ideas to at least tone down the nausea a little bit if not to take it away? My thoughts are with you. Keep fighting. Love you. Xx
ReplyDeleteIt makes me so sad to see you hurting so much Katie dear. I don't know what to say. I just wish you weren't feeling so low. You'll find who you really are one day. It might seem impossible right now but there has to be hope.
ReplyDeleteI hope you remembered to take your pills last night. Missing even one can really make a huge difference.
Love and hugs xx