I didn't weigh myself this morning,
Assuming that my weight stayed the same.
I woke up late,
Was rushed to get the kids to school.
I'm feeling huge today though,
And it doesn't help that I just ate,
270cal worth of chocolate ice cream.
It's kind of become my nightly ritual,
When I put the kids to bed,
I dig into my Ben and Jerry's ice cream,
And eat 1/4 pint of Chocolate Fudge Brownie.
1/4 of a pint is 270cal,
Besides my breakfast,
It's the only thing that I keep down,
Except for tonight,
No I think I'll be purging my ice cream.
Yeah, I'm a failure,
Went and just purged.
And that all too familiar look from T,
Because he knows what I just did.
I hate letting him down,
I hate that I can't beat this.
I know I deserve better than that,
But I don't deserve to eat,
Or at least that's how I feel.
It seems like I'm being repetitive on here
I feel like my stats have gone down,
Because people are growing bored of reading,
And for that I am sorry.
XOXO Katie
I'm sorry I haven't been commenting as much lately. It's not that I'm bored of reading, not at all, I've just been having a hard time keeping up with posts and comments recently. I read every word you write and I wish I could do more to support you. I don't know what to say, but you do deserve to eat, and you deserve a better life than this. Sending lots of love <3 xx
ReplyDeleteYou deserve so much better but as having been to treatment and failed miserably I know how hard it is to find that desire and belief that you deserve food and not allowing the guilt to eat at you. I have been reading your blog for a couple days and I find you inspiring! Sorry this is the first time I commented!
ReplyDeletewith love,
ell
I know how you feel. You know this is wrong but you can't stop. It's so difficult, so please don't blame yourself too much. I'm here to talk if you need it
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear that you are having a tough time... :( I hope things get better... Nothing lasts forever.. all the struggles you are going through now will also pass... Please be strong!!
ReplyDeleteAlso, please don't think that your blog is getting boring! I love reading your posts (although I am usually too lazy to leave comments.... for that I'm sorry ><). I've just been too busy with comic making (by the way, thank you so much for your comments! ^^) recently that I haven't had the chance to keep up with anybody's blogs.
It's nice to visit your blog again :)
Take care!
Sending you lots of love!
xx