I saw my therapist today,
It was a good session.
She had me read a poem,
About change.
She asked me what stage,
Of change that I am in.
We decided that I am between,
Contemplation and Preparation.
Meaning I feel stuck,
But I know there is a problem.
She had me pick up a new journal,
And a daily planner.
This journal is to track every thought,
I mean, as soon as the thought strikes,
I write it down.
So far, I'm doing pretty good.
The daily planner is because she wants me to set goals,
On a week to week basis.
So within this next week,
She wants me to pick 1 day I won't purge.
Then she wants me to also track,
How many laxatives I take each day.
I can do this in both my journal,
And my daily planner.
I have terrible anxiety over the 1 day thing,
A whole day without purging,
Seems impossible;
Unless I just don't eat.
I know that defeats the purpose.
In other news;
My weight is still the same.
I purged 3 times last night,
Once today; only cuz I can't purge cereal.
I want my weight to change already,
I hate being stuck in a rut.
I hate that I am still a fat pig.
Thank you all for connecting with me,
After my last post.
Lots of love,
XOXO Katie
I'm a huge fan of motivational interviewing. That's a really great way to address change, in my opinion. She sounds like she must be a good one. :) maybe you should take note of how much you purge a day and try to focus on how many times you can cut back in a day? Try to make small goals for yourself that build but no matter what, just keep trying. I'm proud that you're going to therapy and thinking about committing to this, ambivalent or not.
ReplyDeleteIf there was just one thing that I could tell you, I would tell you that everything is a state of mind. Yes, even this.
ReplyDeleteIf you could believe you were free of all of this, you would be. Tell yourself things you want to know and that will become your reality.
All my love.
I'm glad your therapy went well. And I know it's frustrating to see the same weight on the scales, but please remember that it's okay for your weight to be stable. It's a good thing. Please try to take care of yourself and your mind. Maybe it would help if your focus shifted to making your body as strong and fit as you can? I know that's easier said than done when all you want is to be smaller, but you are small, and being happy is important too, you deserve it. xx
ReplyDeleteI'm glad therapy is a positive thing for you. One day purge free may be hard, but I know you can do it. I have faith in you, and I always will. Xx
ReplyDelete