Wednesday, December 31, 2014
I guess first off I want to say; I am incredibly blessed with where this year has left me. My boys are healthy and smart. Although there are some days when I want to sell them on Craigslist (kidding.) I got a healthy, full term baby girl. Even though it was a rough pregnancy and I didn't think I'd ever see the end, I'm so thankful I made it full term and she is absolutely perfect. T and I are stronger than ever. Life has shit all over us this year (circumstances out of our control) but we have made it through another year and I am more in love with him with each passing day. We celebrated our 3 year anniversary back in September and that man never ceases to amaze me.
On the eating disorder topic, I managed to keep it under control during my pregnancy. Although every day the thoughts were there, the behaviors were not. It was extremely difficult at first, but every day it got a bit easier. I was only a month into recovery when I got pregnant, so I did start my pregnancy "underweight" but I managed to gain 12lbs my pregnancy. It has became a bit of a challenge ever since Syrsha was born and I am fully aware of it. The thoughts are there almost constant and the urges are there every time I eat, but I have to have faith that I will not give in. Syrsha is 3 weeks old today and I have lost all my pregnancy weight plus 3. I was 102lbs when I weighed myself this morning. I am still eating all 3 meals but I am breastfeeding and I really do believe that is the reason why the weight is coming off so quickly.
This year has also shown me the true colors of people. My other best friend "E" decided that she was going to cut all contact off with me, without explanation. It's been since May since she has spoken to me. And even though I have tried several times to at least find out why she no longer wanted to talk to me, it's proven to be a dead end. She has ignored texts, calls, Facebook messages, shit, I even showed up at her work. So a 13 year friendship ended this year and I am not even sure why. And finally a couple months ago, I gave up trying to figure out why. I came to peace with it because obviously I didn't mean anything to her, so she wasn't worth the tears anymore.
I also lost another close friend this year. My friend "S" who I've been friends with since I was 14, ended our friendship this year as well. I'm pretty sure I wrote about him at the beginning of the year when he was sick in the hospital and we were scared for his life. I went and visited him in the hospital several times, made sure he knew that I was always going to be there for him, and was confident that our friendship was staying strong. Then about a month after he got out of the hospital, he sent me a text stating that he couldn't be friends with me any longer because he was tired of fighting with his girlfriend over our friendship. She felt insecure that him and I were friends because we dated for a whole month when we were 15. So there goes a 10 year friendship out the window. Those were the two biggest downfalls in my friend circle this year.
So I'm not sure I am going to make New Year's resolutions for 2015. Because I am happy with my weight, just not my body. So the main goal I am going to set is to make it to the gym 2-3 times a week. I want to add muscle and tone my body. I want my abs back lol. I am going to make a goal to not get back up to almost 2 packs of cigarettes a day. As of right now, I am between 5-9 a day and I'd like to keep it at that, if not quit all together eventually. One of my resolutions that I had made for 2014 was to go back to school, and while I did do that, I had to withdraw to be put on bed rest. So one of my goals for 2015 is to do something with my life. I'm not sure if that means going to Culinary Arts school, or get a job, but I do want to do something productive with my time. And my biggest goal for 2015 is to be a better me just in general. A better mother, wife, friend. I want to better myself.
Tell me, what are your goals for this year? Did you keep the ones you made for 2014? I hope this post finds you all well and healthy.
Lots of Love,
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Well she's here! Miss Syrsha Lynn made her way into the world a week ago today. Here's the story:
Last Monday (12-8) I went into my 38 week appointment. She checked me where I was still 4.5cm dilated. I was feeling pretty discouraged that my cervix still hadn't changed. She "stripped my membranes" meaning she detached the amniotic sac from my uterine wall. This was to help induce labor on its own. But just incase it didn't work, we scheduled my induction for Sunday the 14th.
The next couple days I was bleeding and having contractions but not really strong enough to send me to the hospital. Wednesday morning I went in for a growth ultrasound to see about how much she was weighing. They estimated her at 6lbs 12oz. I went and saw my doc afterwards. I told her I was still bleeding and she checked me and I was 5cm! She told me that she felt justified to send me to labor and delivery. This was around 10am. I wasn't in any hurry since every time I go in, I get sent home.
I came home, bounced on the exercise ball, packed my hospital bag, went and picked my youngest up from school, came back home and waited for T to get his bag packed. Then we dropped my son off at his aunt's and went and fed T. I didn't want to eat just incase they kept me and needed the epidural. We walked into the hospital around 1:30. The nurse checked me and said I was between 5 and 6cm dilated. She called the on call doc who said to go ahead and keep me and they would break my water! I couldn't believe it. This was really happening.
So the nurse let me walk laps around the maternity ward while they got my room set up. They got me in my room, hooked me up to the monitors where my contractions were 5-7 minutes apart. They got me my epidural around 4:20pm and the doc came and checked me where I was 7cm. He broke my water. The contractions picked up to every couple minutes and apparently we're very strong, but I couldn't feel a thing, thank God for the epidural. Around 7pm I started feeling a lot of pressure. The doc came and checked me around 8:20pm where he told me I was complete! He got dressed, and I started pushing around 8:35. And at 8:42 T got to deliver our precious daughter. It was the most amazing and relaxed delivery.
The next day I had my tubes tied, which has been the reason why I'm having such difficulty recovering.
She is absolutely beautiful and perfect. She nurses great, although it's so painful that I'm in tears a lot of the time.
She weighed a tiny 5lbs 7oz. I couldn't believe how small she was. The ultrasound was way off lol. So here's some pics of my angel.