Just a forewarning: This is going to be a bit long and a little disoriented, but I need to know if I'm alone because this is scaring the ever living crap out of me.
Ok, so the first episode was about a year and a half ago. In the height of my ED. I had this dream, but it was too real to be a dream.
In this first dream, I was being possessed. I was lying in bed and I felt this shadow figure above me. I tried to wake up, I was screaming, T was sleeping right next to me. But when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. I tried flailing and screaming; nothing. I was doing everything I could to wake up from this dream (nightmare) but I was paralyzed.
*Side note: most of these dreams happen right before I wake up*
So the next day I told T about this dream, and he told me that it was probably all the possession movies we'd been watching lately. *At the time, I thought I was literally being possessed by Ana*
Moving forward: From that time on up until a few months ago, I've only had a couple more dreams like this. Then a few months ago, they started happening several times a week.
They always consist of me laying in bed, as myself (like in first person). In these dreams I "wake up" and I try to get out of bed. But I can't move. No matter how hard I try. I will be screaming at the top of my lungs (in the dream) and nothing comes out. I try to roll out of bed (in the dream) and I can't move.
The past couple of weeks have been the worst. All the above happens, but it gets a lot scarier. In the dreams, I manage to get out of bed, like I will be standing next to my bed or laying on the floor, and next second, I'm back in the bed without realizing how I got there, paralyzed again. In the dreams, there is always someone standing at my bedroom door, just staring at me. Most of the time I can't make out who it is. But I'm trying to reach for them to help me (but can't move) or I'm trying to yell at them (nothing comes out.) I "wake up" several times in the dream, but I'm never truly awake.
This is probably the scariest thing that has happened to me. Because everything is so real. I can feel the pillow under my head, the sheets under my skin.
When I finally manage to pull myself out of these nightmares, I am panicked and out of breath. I am disoriented and realize that I've only truly been asleep for maybe 10-20 minutes. But in the dream, it seems like time is never ending.
So after this morning's "episode" I decided to Google it. I read numerous things about sleep paralysis, but that's not what this is. I'm not awake when this happens (even though it might feel like it.) I can't seem to find an actual name for it, or ways to treat it.
I'm just so scared to go to sleep anymore. I dread it. And physically, it's taking it's toll on me. After I have these dreams, I'm out of it for the rest of the day, which ironically, makes me want to sleep. I feel like I can't focus on anything else.
Please someone tell me you've heard of this, maybe know what it's called or how to treat it?
I'm thinking about maybe researching into sleep studies, but I'm skeptical about that because I never know when these nightmares are going to happen. I'm sorry this was so long. I just feel so lost.