First off, I'm almost done being pregnant. I've had a few scares over the last few months. When I was 30 weeks, they thought I was going to deliver. I spent a weekend in a hospital a town away because they were more equipped to handle a baby born that young. Luckily she didn't come then because we would have had to have her in that hospital for a couple months at least. So here I am, almost 37 weeks and so ready to be done. Since this has been a high risk pregnancy from the beginning, my doctor has taken every precaution to ensure that if Syrsha was born early, she would have the best possible chance of not having to stay in the hospital after birth. In the last week, I've been in and out of the hospital 3 times. My body keeps sending me into labor and then stops. I know a lot of you don't know too much about pregnancy, but currently I am 4.5cm dilated and she is way head down. We thought she was coming last week. I went from being 1cm dilated to 4 in a matter of a few hours. They gave me the epidural (spinal tap) because they were concerned with how fast my labor was progressing. After the epidural, everything stopped. They kept me another day to ensure I wasn't going to have her, and then sent me home. It was very emotional and extremely frustrating. Then the same thing happened this Tuesday. Except it was the nurse who fucked shit up. She told me that I dilated from 4cm to 6cm in an hour. She told me to get my mom on the phone to head up here because I was "having this baby today." Then the doctor on call came in and told me that I was 4.5cm not 6cm. So she sent me home. The contractions and the intense pain continued for the rest of the day on Tuesday and by 3am Wednesday, I went back to the hospital. They told me that nothing had changed and sent me home. My body wants to labor, but doesn't want to dilate. It's very frustrating because the doctors won't help my dilation until I am 37 weeks and I am currently 36 and 5 days. The doctors at my local hospital are a nightmare and makes me shy away from delivering there and instead going to another hospital. So there's an update on pregnancy. Syrsha can be here any day now =)
Today was Thanksgiving. Pretty nerve wrecking, but you all understand why. It's the holiday that is centered around food. And although I'm not controlled by my ED mind constantly, the thoughts are still there. The counting of the calories is still there, even if they are unintentional. Every little thing I put in my mouth today gave me anxiety. I tried not to let it affect my day, and I think I did pretty well. It was a small Thanksgiving (Me, T, his dad and my youngest.) But enough food to feed a small army. We like our Thanksgiving leftovers around here. I have so much to be thankful for this year. T and I are stronger than ever, and my love for him continues to grow every single day. My boys are awesome, in their own individual ways. My oldest is starting to become passionate about things that interests him. My youngest is just so sweet and still very much a mama's boy. My father in law has shown me so much love and makes me feel like I'm one of his own. My mom finally got a new job that she starts in a couple weeks. Which is amazing because she's been stuck at this terrible job for almost 4 years now, and I'm hoping this new start will help her with her depression. I'm thankful for the couple friends I do have. I have lost so many close friends (ones I've known for 10+ years) this year which has been extremely hard, but I've had a couple awesome ladies walk into my life and it's been nice. I am thankful that Syrsha wasn't born at 30 weeks and at this point is healthy enough to not have to stay in the hospital.
I know I have more to say, but it's been an extremely long and tiring day and my body hurts from being on my feet all day. I hope to update again soon, and hope to have pictures of baby Syrsha to share with you all. For now, I'll leave you with a picture I took a couple weeks ago of my baby bump. And a picture of me just being me with my new glasses.
Lots of love