Friday, January 31, 2014

Still the same

There is nothing more I hate then being stuck,
99lbs every single day.
I pray for a smaller number.

I didn't go to the doctors yesterday,
Instead I went to be with my mom,
She had to put her dog down.

That was one of the hardest things,
I've ever had to do.
He was wrapped in my arms when he took his last breath.

The worst part was watching my mom break down,
I wish that I could take her pain away.
I wish that our pets could live forever.

My nausea is still out of control,
I slept all day because of it.
It's hindering my ability to do anything.
I'm tired of being sick all the time.

I skipped seeing my therapist today,
Instead I wanted to spend time with T.
We slept away the afternoon.

Tonight we are going to the bar with friends,
That means calories, calories, calories.
That means I will NOT weigh myself in the morning.
If I do, it will just depress me.

I just want to see a lower number,
I want to know that I am skinny.
To know I am skinny,
Means I'm worth something.

I want to be perfect,
Skinny and perfect.
Lots of love,
XOXO Katie

3 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's dog. It's so hard to say goodbye, but I think it's very important to be there when they pass. The 20th was a year since we lost Silky, and I cried just as hard as I did a year ago. I hope your nausea improves soon, it sounds awful. Try to enjoy your night out tonight. Take care as best you can. Lots of love xx

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  2. I'm sorry about your mom's dog. I'm a vet so I know the pain of losing something as precious as a pet. Time will eventually ease the sting though. I also wish our pets could live forever.
    I'm always weigh very low after a night of drinking. Usually because I don't drink enough water and I'm weak and dehydrated the next day. And if I'm drinking I won't eat so it wont kill my buzz. (I don't let myself drink very often for that reason.)
    Don't get too discouraged that you haven't conceived after only two months... thats only two ovulations! I hope your nausea gets better or that the doctors can at least find a reason for it. Feel better soon hun xx

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  3. Sometimes all you need is to sleep. And seeing others break down somehow makes me feel stronger.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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