First things first, I am a married woman now. That's right! We tied the knot on September 25th. It was a small wedding in our close friend's backyard. Probably only a total of 30 people, if that. It was amazing. It was everything I could have asked for in a wedding, and I felt like a princess. I know there's a few of you that I'm friends with on Facebook, but for the others who are not, I'll post a pic for you. =)
Alright, what to talk about next? How about our beautiful princess, Syrsha. She is so smart. She is 10.5 months already. She's climbing on the couch all by herself and thinks it's pretty awesome. She's taking steps around furniture and even sometimes feels brave enough to let go for a few seconds before falling on her butt. She says words like; mama, dadda, Sarah, uh oh, more, and a few others. She loves being sung to and sings along with you. At her 10 month check up she was 17lbs and 28in long. I can't believe where the time has gone since she was born. She has changed so much in not only our family's lives, but my soul. She is usually such a happy baby and can make anyone smile.
This was in Aug for daddy's birthday
Moving forward to the boys. The oldest turned 8 in July and started 3rd grade this year and is rocking it with flying colors. After a very hard and stressful year last year, we were close to having to remove him from the home. It was so difficult to be in that position. As a mother, my job is to protect my children, but when I was having to protect them from one of my own children, I knew something had to change. Through the summer he was participating with in-home therapy twice a week and seeing his regular therapist once a week. His meds were constantly being changed, his second grade teacher was a nightmare, and he was becoming violent with my and the baby. So, I discontinued all the therapy, took him to his regular pediatrician where they have had him on only one med for a few months and it's working wonders. I started connecting with him on a more strict level and his teacher this year is a saint. He's become a whole new kid and I'm loving it.
The youngest is in his last year or Pre-K. He had a rough summer. His father and I have not been on the same page since the beginning of the year and trying to be both parents while he gets to be his friend instead of his father, has proven to be a challenge. He's 4.5 and is becoming his own little independent person, which would be great if he was trying to be himself and not everyone else. He is very influential and it's difficult to reason with him because as he says, "he knows everything and can do anything he wants," lol. He's still a total sweetheart and makes me smile all the time. He's a social butterfly and can make friends with anyone.
Alright, enough bragging about my family. Can you tell I'm a little proud? ;)
Moving on to the rough stuff. Back in May I went to the hospital because I was feeling suicidal. I felt like I was on auto pilot all the time. I was not enjoying life. It was really hard to deal with because it made no sense. I had a beautiful family who loved me, a newborn daughter to care for, and a man who loved me to the end of the world. But something wasn't right. I was wanting to self harm, I stopped eating what I needed to, to continue breastfeeding Syrsha. I slept ALL the time. On Memorial Day, my mom drove me to the emergency room where they kept me on an 8 hour hold and was evaluated by their shrink. I promised not to kill myself and see my OB the next day. That's when I learned that the med I was on to help my supply for breastfeeding was only supposed to be a temporary medication. I was on it for 4 months and it was causing severe postpartum depression. So I quit taking them right away, which resulted in having to quit breastfeeding. I started taking Zoloft and have been doing considerably better. I ran out of Zoloft a couple weeks ago and I feel like I don't need it anymore. Granted, I'm smoking a whole lot of weed, but I'm ok with that because I don't have all the nasty side effects I did on the meds.
Ana has been in the back seat for awhile now. I do pretty good at not listening to her. But I know in some twisted way, she has more control than I seem to believe. My weight hasn't moved above 97lbs in over a month. I'm not purging
often. I eat three meals a day. I think the reason why I smoke so much is because it gives me an appetite. Usually that ends up in a binge session few cookies and then me feeling guilty content. Oh well, I'm surviving and enjoying life as much as I can.
I've taken up a couple of hobbies. My best friend, R, introduced me to hooping and now I'm quite addicted. It's a wonderful exercise, great cardio for sure. I love making different videos to different songs. Hooping has filled that empty spot in my heart that's been missing for awhile. It's a great opportunity to spend some time with just R and I. We both have kids and husbands and when we get together and hoop, everything is right with the world. We spent a lot of time together over the summer; getting the kids together, hooping, baking, puzzles. Looking back on the 14 years we've known each other and been best friends, I haven't felt closer to her than I do now, and I needed that. I think she did too. She's my rock. She knows me better than anyone, well, other than T. She was my beautiful maid of honor and next year she is getting married and I can't wait to share that special day with her.
Alright, this has turned into one of my longest posts ever. I apologize, that is, if you're still there =)
I promise I will be a better blogger and can not wait to catch up with everyone. Here is a few more pictures.
Getting ready for date time with the hubby
My broncos princess
Love that face soooo much
There's something about him that is just perfection
My best friend in the entire world and I
Flow sesh at the wedding reception =)