I'm sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I know quite a bit of you have been worried about me, and it doesn't make it better when I go so long without posting. I appreciate all the love and prayers I have been receiving from all of you. In all honesty, I've been hiding away from the world for the last week. I've barely been on facebook neither. So where to start?
I'm 83lbs. Been here for a few days. It's fluctuated up and down, but hasn't gone any lower. But apparently 83lbs isn't sick enough to some people, some people that are in charge of me getting into treatment. I don't want to go into too much detail because we are trying to get everything figured out. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I might end up doing Intensive Outpatient Therapy this week and then go inpatient next week. Fucking insurance has fucked me over this past week. But IOP still consists of me being seen everyday. Classes and appointments, but not staying in the house this week.
I've been extremely emotional since they told me. This is why I've been away. But because insurance didn't get the whole story and they heard only what they wanted to hear, my therapist, my DBT counselor and a few other people have to fight them to get me IP next week.
I said bye to my boys this week. That was really hard. But this time when I come back, I will be a better mom to them and a better girlfriend to T. After dropping my youngest off with his dad yesterday, T and I went through a short drive in the mountains. It was nice and relaxing. So if I don't get IP this week, it gives us this week to spend together just the two of us. But I am really hoping we get this shit with insurance figured out. I knew something bad was going to happen with them.
Being only 83lbs is kicking my ass. I have been throwing up so much these last few days. Not on purpose either. It usually happens about a half hour after I eat. I just can't stomach food. I have been spending a great deal of my time sitting on the couch. I feel "bed" ridden because I can't stand for long periods of time, I get dizzy and come close to falling over. It's terrible. Also the laxies haven't gotten better. I still have to take them to be anything close to normal. Which is destroying my stomach and my sleeping. I can't sleep worth a shit right now. I'm up too many times in the middle of the night. I fell asleep on the bathroom floor last night.
And on top of everything, I finally caught the cold that everyone has had. The problem with being so underweight, this cold is kicking my ass more than it would be if I was healthy. T said that he's worried it will turn into pneumonia for me because my immune system can't handle it like everyone else's can. Today is Superbowl. Not a big celebration in our house this year. T's dad is coming over and I'm making snacks and what not and then dinner, but T and I went out to brunch this morning and I ate entirely too much. Threw some of it up because my stomach couldn't handle it. So I might not eat dinner when they do. We'll see. So tomorrow I go and meet with the doctor down at the ed clinic and then he will make a case to insurance about why I should be admitted into IP instead of IOP. So I would appreciate all the prayers I can get this week. I hope you are all doing well. Much love.