GO BRONCOS!
Today is a big day for the state of Colorado.
Our football team made it to the Super Bowl.
So we are having a small Super Bowl party.
Which means a shit ton of food.
I weighed myself this morning.
The scale told me an ugly 101.
Miss Calla Lily told me it's probably just water weight,
I'm praying she's right.
I can't believe how much that number rules my life,
T and I had a discussion this morning about my ed,
And it made me feel so guilty.
I hate that my ed affects all the aspects of my life,
Including my relationship.
I'm pretty nervous about all the food today,
It's giving me an anxiety attack,
Which will probably result in Clonapan.
I've already had 250cal for breakfast,
About 350ca for lunch.
That's already an ugly 600cal for the day,
And we still have the Super Bowl food to eat.
I took 5 laxatives before lunch,
I'll take another 5 before I start making food.
I wish that I could kick them,
But I'm too dependent on them.
Thank you everyone for your kind words on yesterday's post,
My friend never did text me.
He got released from the hospital today according to his Facebook,
I'm happy for him, but sad that I've realized I don't matter.
I know that one of the reasons why he probably hasn't texted me,
Is because his girlfriend doesn't like me.
She's insecure in mine and his friendship,
Just like every other girl he's been with.
So no, this isn't the first time I've been blown off for a girl,
Not with him, or many of my other guy friends.
I don't understand it really,
I still try to keep my guy friends when I'm in a relationship.
Oh my God, I can't believe how fast my anxiety is creeping in,
Just over the few minutes of writing this post,
I'm in major freak out mode.
I don't want to eat anymore food today.
My mood has to improve or I'm going to ruin T's mood,
And I don't want him to be upset.
This is just something that I have to deal with,
By myself.
If you live in the states,
Make sure you're watching the Super Bowl.
GO BRONCOS!
Lots of love,
XOXO Katie
Just got back from watching the game at my parents. I missed every commercial:-( I spent the entire time on my laptop avoiding the chips and salsa in the living room. Bruno Mars was the shit though! Got my butt in the room to watch him;-) He's so cool. Like how I imagine myself to be in a perfect world, good dancer, good singer, good smile...sorry, don't know where I was going with that. I hope you managed to enjoy yourself. I know that guilty feeling all too well, when you know your own bad mood is bringing down someone else.
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