The doctor's appointment yesterday was a failure,
She was a bitch and didn't take me seriously.
Even after how honest I was with her.
I told her that I've been addicted to laxies,
That I take around 24 a day,
And asked her if that's what could be causing the problems.
She didn't seem too concerned about the laxies,
Instead she told me they can't do anything about that,
That I have to go through counseling to get over my addiction.
Well duh, that's why I'm meeting with my therapist,
But I would really like to know if
I'm doing any damage with the amount of laxies I take.
The nausea still hasn't gone away,
She prescribed these patches to wear
Behind my ear to take away the nausea.
They don't work.
I threw up breakfast this morning.
And dinner last night.
I'm so beyond frustrated with it,
That there is something wrong with my body,
And none of the doctors give a shit.
In other news, I haven't purged since Saturday,
Mostly because I'm throwing up everything I eat,
And I don't have much of an appetite anyway.
I've recently started smoking weed,
Because it temporarily gets rid of the nausea,
Plus it calms my anxiety down a great deal.
Last night I finally told T how many laxies I take a day,
We determined that I am taking 8 days worth in 1 day,
He was so disappointed, I could see it in his eyes.
I hate letting him down,
I hate that my ed is ruining his life,
And I hate that I feel powerless to stop it.
I'm pretty depressed today,
I've slept most of the day,
And I feel like I could sleep more.
T went to the gym while I lied down,
I really need to get back to the gym,
My body looks like shit.
Well that's enough ranting,
I hope you're all doing well.
Lots of love,
XOXO Katie
I'm sorry to hear the GI doctor was so useless. You asked her if the laxatives could be doing damage, not how to deal with the addiction. Have you had any sort of scans or imaging done? Maybe they'd give a better idea of what's going on.
ReplyDeletePlease be careful with the weed. I know there's no harm in smoking occasionally, but just keep an eye on it, I'm a bit of a worry-wart when it comes to smoking.
Thinking of you dear. Love xx
I'm do sorry that the doctors appointment wasn't helpful. I wish you could find a doctor that actually gives a shit. I definitely think that the laxies are playing a part in all of this though.
ReplyDeleteI'm keeping you in my thoughts. Xx <3
Hullo! I finally got my antisocial ass into first gear and found you ^.^; Thank you for the comment, you're fantastic!
ReplyDeleteBuh? She didn't give a shit?! (Pun intended) 2 dozen a day is definitely going to be trashing your insides, how the fuck does she not care enough to find out how much damage has already been done?
Nause like that sucks *Careful hugs* Is it anxiety-nausea (I get GERD from anxiety) or a side-effect of laxative overdose?
Ah weed. Smoking it wrecks my throat so bad (Not a smoker >.<) and I'm never sure if I'm lightheaded because I'm stoned to lightheaded because I'm forgetting to breathe. *Is an idiot*
You should take a break from the gym until the nausea is gone. No point in going if you're going to projectile vom all over the place when you drink water! So counter-productive XD
Look after yourself as much as you can and try to stay hydrated. Sorry it took me so long to reply to you <3
Sorry sweetie, she's forced in between regulations and can't probably see things within the wider picture. But you were honest and she just didn't get it. I hate it how you need to find fife doctors and try to figure what's true....
ReplyDeleteHugs <3
Worried for you dear... I hope you're okay. Thinking of you <3 xx
ReplyDeleteAnxious to see how you're doing :/
ReplyDelete