What does it mean to be normal anyways?
Is it to live up to everyone's expectations?
Is anyone anywhere actually normal?
To me and the way I live my life,
That's normal to me,
But may not to be to everyone else.
Starting my day with a handful of laxies,
Is what normal is for me.
Taking between 20-25 a day,
That's normal for me.
But I'm looked down upon as abnormal,
Because I live with this disease,
And because I can't eat 'normally.'
No, I don't consider myself 'normal'
Because I look at other people's life,
And wish that I could be like them.
In MOPS this morning,
I'm watching all the other women get food,
While I sit there and over analyze everything on the table.
I wish that I could enjoy a normal plate of food,
Filled with eggs, burritos, cookies, sticky buns,
But I just can't.
Instead I pop 4 more laxies,
And put tiny spoonful's of things on my plate,
Then sit there and pick at it til it looks like I've ate most of it.
Then I sneak off to the bathroom and purge what I can,
Wipe the tears from my eyes,
Wash my hands and go back to the table.
I don't fit in with any girls from my table,
They all talk and gossip around me,
While I sit there and think about how many calories stayed in me.
It's sickening really,
To think that if I could just "get over it"
I could be normal too.
Then I come home a few hours later,
Pop another handful of laxies,
Just so I can eat an English muffin.
I kept the muffin down,
But not without beating myself up over it,
Knowing that those are calories I didn't need.
All of this that I'm explaining,
Is normal for me.
So is being normal really normal?
Just something to think about,
Lots of love,
XOXO Katie
I think people don't differentiate between normal and healthy. What's normal is not necessarily good for you or helps you become a better or successful person. It may inhibit you. Normal is living. Normal is doing what you're supposed to be doing, the stuff that contributes to society and has to be done. It's everything in between. Good or extraordinary is what you make of it.
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Most of the people in this world are not normal but Katie sweetie, it's normal to you but still it doesn't mean you deserve that kind of normal. If you wouldn't wish it for anyone else, why wish it for you either?
ReplyDeleteBreaks my heart to read this,
Love you honey, stay safe <3
Great post! Normal is so relative!
ReplyDeleteThere is no such thing as normal. What you described there is normal for you, and I think that's all we can take it as. Normal is a standard for an individual, not for a whole. This was a great post. Thanks. Xxx
ReplyDeleteI tend to think that there is no normal, except what is normal for each of us. That being said, some people's normal has to be better, at least healthier, than yours or mine. Maybe we can find a new, less agonizing normal.
ReplyDeleteRowan
We all eventually come to terms with our current situation, even if that means just dealing with the day in order to get through. What we should want as "normal" is what makes us happy and healthy in as many ways as possible. I still think you should try what I suggested with the laxies; each step is progress, no matter how small! I'm always rooting for you! Xoxo
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