Thank you all for the love and support on my video. It did take a lot of courage to do it, but I'm glad I did. I just hope that it gets out there and helps other girls in the same position that I am in.
My weight plummeted over night. I lost 2lbs since yesterday. I can't determine if this is good or bad. There's the big part of me that is happy about it. It's the lowest I've been in months, but I also know that it's not good for me. I know it's mostly because of the laxies I took yesterday. There is something about those little pink pills that are comforting to me. It's like I know when I take them, I don't have to purge what I eat, even though I usually do.
I really do enjoy the feeling of when the pounds melt right off of me. It makes me feel like I finally have control over something. But I also know that control is just an illusion. Do I really have control or is it Ana that has the control? Last night I ate soup for dinner, and ate some more of this delicious brownie I made the night before. I hate that chocolate is my weakness. If I didn't take the laxies or purge, I'm sure that the chocolate would most definitely add the pounds. What is your weakness?
I've been thinking more about treatment. All of your encouraging words have left an impact on my decision. So I called them this morning and talked to the admissions lady. We had about a 20 minute conversation.
She said she isn't sure if my insurance will approve since I applied for treatment less than a year ago, but she sent me the admissions form and medical clearance form to have filled out by my doctor. They want a copy of my labs, which is always frustrating because according to them, my labs are always good, so technically I'm not "medically" sick. I guess I'll just wait to see how everything turns out.
I have a busy day ahead of me. I have parent teacher conferences in a half hour and then I am going over to my uncle's house and help him paint his trailer. He's paying me real good money to do it. So I'm happy about that. But the way my body has been feeling lately, I'm kinda nervous that I won't be able to do it for very long. I've been so weak lately. Last night I could barely pull myself up off the couch. It's getting pretty bad. Well anyway, I'll update later. Lots of love.
XOXO Katie
Perhaps you could look into outpatient treatment? I did a two-month rehab group and that was pretty good. Hugs, dear.
ReplyDeleteA little bit of chocolate will definitely not add on the pounds. Or even a lot once in a while. Our bodies need sweet things too sometimes, and our brains certainly do...
ReplyDeleteYour video is very poignant.
Good luck with treatment!
Oh, wow. Good girl for making that call. I'm hoping for the best because that sounds kinda worrying that you're getting to the state where you can't get up. But insurances can be bitches... if something kills people, it's insurance companies.
ReplyDeleteHugs honey and thank you for the comment <3
I am honestly alarmed by the pounds you've lost, I think you lost them rather abruptly plus the fact that you mentioned you've been feeling weak.
ReplyDeleteI am hoping that everything goes well for you, Katie! Much love to you and God bless... ♡♡♡