I'm glad that I didn't just run out and buy a new scale last night after thinking for a week that it was busted. I got on and those wonderful numbers told me 1.5lbs lost. Yes! All of this hard work is finally paying off. I should be going to the gym tonight again. I feel so wonderful after I go.
Thank you all for the lovely comments on my last post and welcome to my new followers. I'm glad more people are finally coming along. It truly makes my day when people take time to follow, read and comment on my posts. It feels like I'm making a difference, and in reality, that's just what I need.
In other news, I took my youngest for his pre-k evaluation this morning. He did a lot better than I thought, and hopefully in a couple weeks I will receive a letter stating whether or not he will be able to attend school earlier than usual. They also told me that with his developmental and speech delays that they will have an occupational and speech therapist in his classroom everyday to help him. Oh that was wonderful news for this momma's ears.
As for my intake today; I had a bowl of Honey bunches of oats for breakfast, a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch, and a banana. Took my 6 laxies and already feeling the affects of those. Ugh some days go very well with them, other days, they just wreak havoc on my body. Today is one of those days. I seriously just feel like laying in bed for the rest of the day.
I don't think I posted about this the other day, but the other night after I purged my dinner, I started having a sharp stabbing pain in my left side of my stomach. At first I thought I just pulled a muscle, but now I'm starting to think it's something more. The pain is still there, and it comes and goes. When it starts, it hurts so bad that if I'm standing up, it has me falling to the closest chair. I'm thinking I should call my doctor and maybe have them schedule me an ultrasound.
T and I started discussing treatment again last night. A part of me wants to go back, but not for the reason you all think. I want to go back because I enjoyed the quiet time after program when I was alone by myself. No responsibilities to cook, or clean the house. It was like a mini vacation. But I know in reality, I'm nowhere close to being sick enough to go back. I was 10lbs smaller before. All the girls there would just think I'm a whale. It's a terrifying thought. Plus I need to find a job to pay for this wedding, and if I go to treatment, that will just take away time and money I could be making. I just can't do it right now.
Anyways, that's what's new in my life. I'm finally getting caught up on everyone's blogs and leaving comments.
XOXO Katie
Congrats on the loss. I'm so jealous of your weight.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that things are difficult. I really think that you should go to the doctor and tell them about that pain. It doesn't sound good.
Congrats! I'm glad you broke the plateau, I know it's been annoying you for a while now. And I'm so pleased to hear you're back at the gym. You're a strong woman.
ReplyDeleteI hope you consider going back to treatment after your wedding, even if it's just for a little break. I have to say though, I don't think anyone would think you're a whale, but I know it's always a fear.
That stomach pain does sound worrying... Please try to take care, and go to the doctor if you need.
Thinking of you dear xx
I'm so glad to hear about your son doing so well! I know that was a concern. I don't have children but I can imagine it's so much peace of mind when they are given what they need to succeed.
ReplyDeleteYou know, if you need a little bit of a break I would say that you should be honest with T. Tell him it's overwhelming. Why the heck does it matter what the other girls think? They're just as miserable or more. You love your kids, I can tell from your writing. Part of giving them the life they deserve is being good to yourself and healthy. My mom wasn't anorexic, but just her having so much depression and anxiety affected me and made me worry. They're going to get to the age where they can tell something is wrong with you and that's going to worry them too. You're a strong woman who's been through some really hard things. I think you should think about it, because this life sucks. It's hard without anorexia sometimes for me now but I can be happy and that's so much better. Displaying that strength is important for them. Don't hide yourself. T loves you. He wants to spend his life with you. If you have to go before your wedding don't underestimate that he loves you enough to push it back or save more money for it. Whatever you do, I hope you're happy. I hope you feel loved and beautiful and can finally come to the point where you see that you're more than these struggles.
Tons and tons of love and hugs.
PS you are so welcome and you do the same for me. I know you're beautiful. Absolutely without a doubt. I'm always here.
DeleteHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE HUG
PPS you live in CO? I live just next door. :)
I am happy to know that your son is doing well and that he surpassed your expectations. :-)
ReplyDeleteAbout the pain you are feeling in your stomach, I think you should go see a doctor to make sure that it's nothing serious. I do hope it's not...
And you need not be very sick to have therapy. Sometimes having a professional who sees things in a more objective way listen to you can already help make you feel a lot better. It's good for our well-being.
Hugs to you, Katie. Much love and God bless. ♡ :-)