Today has been a pretty hard day, food and mood wise. I've been pretty depressed and down which in turn makes me not want to eat. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, went to the gym, had a slim fast for lunch, which I purged, and then popped 8 laxies. I see me backsliding so fast. It's hard for me to care when I don't care about myself. When I feel so hidden behind my emotions, I take it out on myself and my body.
In other news, last night I was watching old Christina Aguilara(sp) videos. She has become my new thinspo. I want to look like she did in the Candyman video. Damn she is so sexy. I've always been jealous of her because of her looks, and OMG that voice; it's amazing. I wish that I could sing like her, much more, look like her.
And by the way, I made one of those videos that I was talking about last night. It was hard to do, but I'm very glad I did it. Here is the link to it. Take a few to check it out and tell me what you think. It took me like 5 times to get it, but I'm satisfied with it.
And finally, I want to take a minute to thank everyone for commenting on my posts. It makes me feel good knowing I am touching some of you with my story. I want to especially thank J for being such a wonderful friend when I've needed you. I look forward to more sleepovers. And I also want to thank Eve for leaving such a wonderful, heartfelt comment on my post last night. I can't put into words how much that meant to me. Every single one of you that reads my blog is so very important to me and you push me to do better. Lots of love.
XOXO Katie
We do, I miss talking to you but I'm always here for you. I try to check up on you and such - even if we don't talk much.
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you for making the video. I've thought about it myself, and made the cards. But I just couldn't do it. You're strong and brave for doing that. And quite beautiful, if I might add. ^_^
I love Christina Aguilara - You're right. She's great thinspo. Have you ever heard of Taylor Momsen? I hope that things start looking up for you, you more than deserve it. Love you. Xxxx
Hugs Katie. I'll watch the video later because my roomie is still sleeping. But otherwise to these latest posts... I'm sure that if you went to treatment no one would think of you as a whale. <3
ReplyDeleteDays like that suck, when you just feel the cold in your heart and you don't care. But you know what you said about the treatment last time and how you did enjoy 'the vacation', maybe that indicates that you need a little bit more time just for you in the normal day or week? I assume that you pressure yourself to take care of everything and everybody and you're the last one on the list... I get that kids come always first when you're a mom but you yourself shouldn't fall too far behind because kids need their mom in the end of the day.
And congrats for the youngest having such a good test results <3
I liked it. I think when you first see what someone looks like that you blog with it has this sort of, I don't know, surprise factor? Not sure of the way to describe it. I know that I thought to myself that you were very beautiful and that you looked so sad and I just wanted to hug you because I was molested for seven years and it's such a weight and it's so destructive to your emotional, mental, and physical health. It's really hard to put into words how you feel and what happened to you. I know that I just want to distance myself and hide behind the fact that I'm in college, trying to make a new, better life for myself. It's still there though, lurking.
ReplyDeleteYou are an inspiration. Every woman who comes out of it is.
No need to thank me. It's all from the heart because I really care about you. I've never met you, but I do.
You're strong, you've just been undermined and told you weren't.
You're beautiful, but you were treated ugly.
You're free, but the memories still chain.
You are loved.
You are enough.
If you ever need anything, don't hesitate to email me, if you'd like.
aSinforEve10@gmail.com
Lots and lots of love sweets.