I knew I shouldn't have drank last night. I knew the scale would be mean to me. But I did it anyway, and I've regretted it all day. I went up two pounds and I haven't felt comfortable in my body all day today. I know T has noticed and I keep telling him I'm ok but really I'm not. I feel like carving off all of my extra skin. I'm freaking out that I'm just gonna keep gaining weight and I'll be fat in my wedding dress. I feel terribly ugly and unworthy of taking up so much space. I want to be little and unnoticeable. That's the role I deserve to be in. For the past 4 days I've done nothing but beat myself up and pick on myself. I feel like a ticking time bomb just waiting to explode. I'm pretty sure the next opportunity I've got alone, I'm going to self destruct. My meds aren't helping so they are just adding more to my pill cocktail. I cry whenever I'm alone. Every chance I get. I don't know what to do anymore.
<3 Hugs. Your weight doens't determine your worth. I would love you even if you were 300lb... I wish it goes over soon, hate to see you so miserable.
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Things can't stay this way forever. But you I've people ther to support you and help you in any and every way. Use them.
ReplyDeleteYou are worth more than you can see. I've said that since I first met you and I keep saying it because it is true. I wish you could see it.
You're beautiful and kind. Weight does not define who you are. <3
You know, when you drink the alcohol dehydrates you and if you aren't replacing the fluids you lost then you're probably just retaining them. Try to catch up on your fluids and you'll equilibrate. Promise.
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Hugs hugs hugs!!
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