I have been so damaged. Things have happened to me that I didn't deserve. Molestation, rape, abuse, the selling of my body, and most currently, sexual assault by an older gentleman. Since the assault, I have thrown myself into my eating disorder full force. I have been purging several times a day. My throat hurts. I've been taking laxies everyday. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I feel the need to punish myself. I can't help but blame myself for what happened. There's also the urge to cut again. I feel like my body is nothing but a sexual target. A piece of meat. I'm hurting so much inside, and somehow I need to make that pain real. I'm sorry this post is rambling. But I have so many negative emotions. Maybe I'll update later.
Sweetheart this is not your fault, I'm sorry this has happened to you. You are NOT a piece of meat and it is disgusting that someone would treat you this way. Please don't hurt yourself, you deserve more than that. I'm sorry I can't help more.
ReplyDeleteAlice xx
Never your fault. I know you know that, but there's the part of you that will always wonder. That, I understand. I have been there. Oh Katie, I am always so hopeful when you don't post because I like to imagine that you are better. Happier. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I don't know what else to say. Hugs!!
ReplyDeleteKatie, I know how you feel. But I'm always here to talk to you. I have to tell you though, that it is NOT your fault what happened at the gym. Nor is the other stuff your fault. I understand reaching to your ED, but please try not to. I want to help you in any way I can, but just know I am always a text/phone call away. Please don't cut. Xx <3 You're in my thoughts. Xx
ReplyDelete