It has been such a rough week for my mind and my body. I've been so depressed, embracing Ana, and trying to keep my skin blade free. I have cut a couple times, mainly on the days I'm trying to keep Ana at bay. I'm pretty sure my scale battery is going out because it's been telling me the same weight for a week now.
So, I ended up taking the job afterall. T and I talked a lot and we came up with an agreement. Which makes me happy. He really is such a wonderful man. I'm lucky to have someone who is understanding. I'm enjoying the job for the most part. Most of the girls I work with are sweet. I get to dress in cute clothes and heels. And I'm making pretty decent money. One of the flaws about this job is the toll its already taking on my body. But it will get better with time.
For those of you that live in the states, know about all the floods going on here in Colorado. Its been pretty hard for me to deal with. It breaks my heart that my town, the town I grew up in, and the surrounding towns are destroyed by all this water. And it rained all day again today.
I'm also so torn with my ed. I know that if I ate more, my breasts would fill out, but at the same time, I don't want to. I don't want to eat or gain weight. It's such a vicious cycle. I hope everyone is doing well.
XOXO Katie
Sunday, September 15, 2013
What a week
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Good on you for taking the job :) I hope it really lifts your confidence and gives you the extra push and strength you need to fight against your eating disorder.
ReplyDeleteIt's tragic about the floods. I can't even imagine the devastation and the pain the people of Colorado are feeling. Life can seem pretty cruel sometimes.
Stay strong x
Congrats for the job! Your man is really wonderful for working through his own comfort zones and letting you to do it. Keep it up and don't let the mentality shift where it shouldn't be at all. You're a strong woman and you can do this <3
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