So much to say

I quit my stripping job. It's not that I didn't like it, but it was causing so many issues with my personal life that it wasn't worth keeping. Especially with T and I. He couldn't handle the thought of me dancing for other men, which I don't blame him. So for the sake of our relationship, I decided it was best for me to quit. I'm going to miss a lot of the girls I worked with and just the atmosphere of the club.
On another note, I am a huge fucking whale. I ate entirely too much this weekend. I was only to purge a few times. When I got on the scale on Friday morning, I was down another pound. I was 93, but I bet I'm like 96 today. I feel extremely bloated. I took 6 laxies and an enema today. Now I'm just drinking tea and trying to feel a less bit gross. My face broke out something terrible this past week. I just don't understand why I'm still breaking out so much. I'm 24 years old. This is bull shit.
I will most definitely not be eating tomorrow. I can't even stand looking at myself in the mirror. I have started cutting again, which is a little comforting. It's something that is mine that no one can take away from me, just like my ed.
So I have something pretty heartbreaking that happened Friday night. So my best friend, R, the one that also has an ed and we have been best friends for 12 years, well she texted me out of the middle of nowhere. I haven't talked to her in about a month. We have been trying not to trigger each other, plus she is in a new relationship. Well she texted me and asked what I was up to. I told her that I was working. She asked where my new job was at, and I told her at a strip club. She then proceeded to go off on me about how I have no respect for myself and that she couldn't believe I'd lower myself to the level. Then her last text to me was her saying she couldn't be involved in this friendship any longer because of my job of choice.
This is the girl that held my hand while I birthed my children, while I lay in the hospital bed fighting for my life from my eating disorder, and cried with me through everything. I'm the only friend of hers that didn't leave her side when she told me she was pregnant at 14. We have been through everything together. I didn't even bother telling her that I was quitting that night because I wanted to see her true colors. Yeah, they came through. I can't believe her. I cried in between my dances, fixing my makeup each time.
And for my final announcement; I am an engaged woman! T and I took a spontaneous trip up to the mountains a few hours away, just him and I. We got a hotel room, walked the boardwalk, stopped in some cute shops, went to a nice dinner, and then went and watched fireworks over the lake. He told me he loved me, I said I love you too. Then he said, "so much that," then turned me around, got down on one knee and said, "Katie, will you marry me." And pulled out a beautiful ring. It was absolutely perfect. Fireworks in the background, people all around. So now I am officially his fiancé. We set the date for July 11th of next year. I found a couple dresses that I'm torn between. Here is a picture of the first.

And here is a link to the other one I like. Help me out here ladies and help me decide. I hope you all are well. Thank you all for being so supportive when I've needed you.

Much love. Katie