I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a few days. Thank you all for your concern and I appreciate all the love I'm getting from you guys.
I was at 84lbs this morning. =( It just keeps going down. I've even been eating my meals. Maybe not the full amount of calories, but still eating.
Last night I thought I was going to have to go into the hospital. I could barely move, or make dinner even. T had to help me with dinner. I felt so bad because I'm usually always able to make dinner without any problem. But last night was bad. My stomach hurt so bad, I couldn't stand for more than a couple minutes at a time. I tried so hard to keep cooking. I did eat though.
I'm worried that I'm going to be in the 70's if I keep losing like this by the time I go into treatment. I still have a little over a week until I go. I'm pretty nervous and scared. I'm not sure why, but this time around feels like my last chance. I can't keep going on like this. This is going to kill me unless I make and keep the progress that I make in there.
Today is my youngest's birthday. I can't believe he is two already. We are having his birthday at this inside castle place. Not very many people are coming, which I'm kinda bummed about. And then afterwards, we are going over to my dad's house for my step mom's birthday party. There is going to be a taco bar there. T is pretty excited about that. I'm pretty nervous. But of course I am. I'm always nervous when there is food and a lot of people in the same place.
Today has already been pretty stressful. Both kids have been acting bad all day. My oldest son has been in trouble for everything that he knows he is not supposed to do. I think this is why I relapsed like I did. When I came back from treatment, I went into the hospital, and then when I got out, I went right back into my routine of appointments and being a full time mom. I didn't give myself enough time to get used to feeding myself and making a new routine with everything I learned in treatment.
So this time around, I am going to have to give myself time when I get out. I have to, or I'm just going to relapse again. And work out a different ways to make appointments for the boys and I. I can't be spending all my time going to a million different appointments and not give myself time to work on myself and my ed.
So anyway, I'm sorry this post was kinda scattered all over the place. I hope you all are doing well. Much love.
XOXO Katie
Happy birthday to your family! I hope you find time to enjoy getting to see loved ones, I know the food part is stressful, but all too often we forget to focus on the people we care about. You sound like an amazing mother though. I hope treatment goes really well for you and you can enjoy your life like you so deserve.
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave! I really do hope treatment is the help you want and need. I think the best thing about this post is you are already planning positive steps for yourself after treatment, love it.
ReplyDeleteLove you of course <3 you can make it through xx
I really hope treatment goes well for you. You're so strong for being able to manage everything you have on your shoulders, hopefully treatment will help you cope better.
ReplyDeleteAnd happy birthday to your son :)
Stay safe, and take care of you <3
xxBella
It's good you already know what you want to do differently this time. I hope you are feeling better today. I'm not sure if you are religious but I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that things are so hard. You seem to have some things figured out this time around, though, and I know you're strong enough to make this work.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're well, xx
I wish there was something I can say but I am praying that you stay strong and treatment is better this time.. You can do this, you can. All my love darling xx
ReplyDelete