So, I'm still doing well on eating. All 3 meals and what not, but I have a confession to make; I've been eating really shitty. I haven't been eating healthy like I need to. On my notes from my therapist last week, the second thing on the list says, "Don't eat out more than 2x a week (it may be triggering.)" We have gone out almost everyday this past week, and the main reason why; it's just easier. And yeah, it's been really fucking triggering. Yesterday was me drawing a line in the sand. Friday night we went out to a buffet for dinner, and yesterday we went to Wendy's for lunch.
Now I'm not saying that I am getting big fat juicy cheeseburgers when we go out, but I know for a fact that if I were to make that same thing at home, it would be at least half the calories, half the fat and I would know everything that goes into it. Plus on top of it all, I would be saving the money from going out to go towards better things.
It's time for me to put my big girl panties on and start being the cook I know I can be. Today has kind of been a cleansing day for me. Trying to rid of all the toxins in my body so I can start fresh. I've been drinking tons of water and tea, and zero soda. I drink a lot of diet soda normally, so I'm going to try to kick that to the curb as well. Tonight I have a lemon zest chicken breast planned for dinner served with white rice. It's just me and T tonight, so a nice, quiet, relaxing night.
He made note this morning that he knows that I am taking recovery seriously, but he can tell that I am still not wanting to fully let go of my eating disorder. Last night, I found myself taking body measurements (which I may post in a few) and calculating my body fat percentage (12.9!) I also asked him if it would ruin everything if we were to bring the scale back into the house so I can have that peace of mind of knowing what I weigh. I think the answer to that was a no by the way. I have therapy scheduled for this Friday, and she has texted me twice just to make sure I'm coming because I ditched her last week, making up some excuse about me being sick. Guess karma got me on that one because now I am really sick lol. T has also noticed the amount of time I've been spending on blogger. It's my little community and I love it. So anyway, I hope everyone had a great weekend. Much love.
XOXO Katie
Try not to be so hard on yourself Katie, you are eating and that is the main thing
ReplyDeleteRemind yourself of all the positive changes you are making and don't listen to that negative tape in your head, easier said than done I know
I have every faith in you, I just know you can do this. I have so much admiration for you, you have a lot to deal with and you are dealing with it so well
Don't forget to be kind to you
Love x
I read somewhere that eating small amounts of food that contain large amounts of calories (junk food) will usually trigger a relapse in people who have recovered/are recovering from an eating disorder... I'm so full of bits of information, thought I'd share:-)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Ruby, you are doing so well, so be proud :) It is good that you are planning on cooking more too.
ReplyDeleteAlice xx
I agree with both Ruby and Alice.. its so easy to think that things can just be absolutely perfect, but this will take time, you have achieved so much and you are doing great, just keep taking one step at a time and focus on the poitives and try to just do the best you can. We all love you, and everyone is there to help, voice your concerns to T perhaps, and let him know what triggers you so everyone can help avoid these things. Remember he just wants to help..
ReplyDeleteYou can do this, hundred percent, you are amazing and I will always be there for you sweetheart. Dont lose heart, you are fabulous <3
love you xx
You really are doing so well... I hope you can keep it up(:
ReplyDeleteI've sort of given up recovery, and I'm just focusing on at least eating good food.
I hope you do go to therapy, just so you can get some things out and maybe feel a bit better, yeah?
Good luck on all, Girly<3