Ditched my dietitian appointment yesterday. Blamed it on being sick, but in reality, I don't want to get weighed. I have been eating all 3 meals and a night time snack every single day since Sunday. Pretty sure I've put on like 20lbs. But every time I let those negative thoughts slide into my head, I go back to Saturday night and the way I looked at myself in the mirror with terror in my eyes of what I've become. Sunday night, my youngest got the flu. Then Christmas Eve, T got the flu. I'm pretty sure I caught it Christmas night, but not near as bad as they did. I didn't overeat on Christmas. I'm pretty sure that I'm not reaching my 2,800 calories I'm supposed to have each day, but I know that I am managing over 1,000. That's OK. I'm OK with that. I do always feel full, and I hate that. But I know a big part of it is that I'm "backed up." I haven't been taking any laxies. I'm regretting ever letting my body get dependant on those things.
Right now I am eating a PB&J sandwich with cottage cheese and some pretzels. Not overdoing it, but staying with the safe foods for now. I have been having a piece of fudge every night. Last night I had two and regretted it. I had to take two of my Clanazapam just to calm my anxiety. Then I turned into a loopy person lol.
As for Christmas, I got everything that I wanted, and more. I got a Furby. I know, it sounds lame. But I have been wanting one since the came out with them again. I had one when I was a kid, and I remember loving that thing to death. Now it's time for a new and improved one =) I got perfume, a jewelry box, a sweater, a food saver, and a few other super sweet gifts. T got his shotgun that he's been wanting from his dad. I got his dad a holster for one of his pistols and T got him a PS3. T's son got a new IPOD. My boys got a TV and DVD player for their bedroom. So everyone made out with some nice gifts.
I'm pretty stressed about tomorrow because I have 3 appointments tomorrow. The first one is to see if my youngest needs tubes in his ears because he has so much fluid in them from all of his ear infections. Then my oldest has therapy. Then I have therapy. So a pretty busy day. I take my oldest up to his psychiatrist to discuss meds with him again and to see if it's time for another med.
Alright, off to do the rest of my house duties. I already got all the Christmas decorations and tree down. Now time to do laundry, dishes, vacuum, and then get the boys ready to go to the appointment. I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas. Much love.
XOXO Katie
You are doing so amazingly well!! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHi, this is probably the first time I comment on your blog, but I really want to say that I am so happy that the hollidays turned out nicely for you, keep up the positiv thoughts :D
ReplyDeleteI have done that so many times, cancelled appointments because I didn't want to be weighed
ReplyDeleteMy therapist always tells me to come anyway and she won't weight me
It's incredibly stressful being weighed
I haven't weighed since coming away and I probably won't until I go home
Stay strong Katie
I have every faith in you
Believe in yourself
You are precious x
It sounds like you are having lovely Holidays, your boys must be so excited. I'm so happy so hear that you are doing well, keep it up, you are so strong!
ReplyDeletexx
I think it's ok that you skipped your session -knowing your weight should not be added to your stressors (if your dietitian shows/tells you your weight)
ReplyDeleteHope things are still going alright eating wise, good on you for what you have managed.
Keep at it darling it's all for the better, all my love xx
Your doing so well :) Maybe you could ask if you came along did you have to be weighed. Lots of love and merry christmas xx
ReplyDeleteIt's asking a lot to weigh anyone after Christmas really; I'm not surprised you cancelled! I hope all your appointments go well. ♥ xx
ReplyDelete