And when I look back over these 5 years, it's bittersweet.
When I think about how far I've come in 5 years, it's bittersweet.
5 years ago, I was not in a good place.
5 years ago, I was not the same person I am today.
5 years ago, I would have given anything to be the weight I'm at today.
But 5 years later, I am still not so happy with my weight.
At the beginning of 2016 I made a *goal* to get to 110lbs.
I was 104lbs, so 6lbs sounded pretty easy.
At the end of 2016, I was 103lbs.
Over the course 2016, the highest I got was 107.5lbs.
2016 was a shitty fucking year.
We got "conned" out of our house and was forced to move.
We moved 35 minutes away from everything I grew up around.
And although 35 minutes doesn't sound like much,
When you have a toddler who hates her car seat, it is A LOT.
I get to see my best friend once every couple of weeks.
I can't just pop in the car and go to Walmart whenever I'm out of something.
Financially, 2016 screwed us.
Because of the move, our bills went up 650$ a month.
No one wants to hire me because besides my cleaning business,
It's been 3 years since I've had an application worthy job.
I've been applying almost every day with no call backs and it's wearing on me.
I feel like a failure as a wife because I can't even help T out with bills.
I feel like a failure as a mother because I can't buy even little things for my kids.
They get what they need, but not what they want.
Because of all the stress, my patience for pretty much anything is minimal.
I'm working on month 9 of this everyday migraine.
Sometimes headache medicine works, but only for a couple of hours, then I'm taking more.
Alright, I'm sorry, that was just a whole bunch of unnecessary bitching.
Although I can't control outside forces, I AM GOING TO TRY TO MAKE 2017 BETTER!
This year my goals (not resolutions) include:
*Continue my journey to a healthy weight* I'm not going to set a specific number. Instead, I'm going to vamp up my workout routine (with very little cardio) and eat more
*Start my cupcake business* I am so passionate about baking and I take pride in my work. I would love to be able to get approved for a loan to start my business. Also, this would help with our money situation.
*Quit smoking* I know this is something that needs to happen. My breathing is worse than ever. I don't actually enjoy it anymore. It's a habit that doesn't benefit myself or my children. It's expensive and I always smell like cigarettes. I know that this one is going to be harder because T smokes as well. But I know a part of him wants to quit as well.
*More self care* I don't get nearly enough time for the things that I enjoy. I want to read more. I want to take more baths. I want to have more time to hoop, even if it's only 15-20 minutes a day. I want to write more as well, whether it be here or in my journal. And quit picking my skin! I absolutely can not stand how bad my face looks because I've been picking since I was 13.
*Buy our own home* Or at least be in the process of buying. This is something we've been trying since May 2016, but every time we started, something else would get in the way. Because 2016 sucked!
So there may be more, but I think this is a good start. I will write things on little sticky notes and stick them all over the house if I have to. These are the things that need to happen this year.
I hope you all are doing well and hopefully I'll have a chance to catch up on some blogs in the next week. Sending everyone love and good vibes.
My little chef in training