Goodbye year from hell

This is it. The last day of 2012. Probably by far, the worst year I've had in a long time. My first post on my other blog was on January 18th of this year. Reading through the posts on there and the ones on this blog, it's hard for me to determine whether or not if I have made any progress. When I started out 2012, I was 128lbs. My new years resolution was to get to 125lbs by the end of the year. The reason why I made such a short goal was because of all the years I've lived with my eating disorder, I have never been one to lose weight easily. It all happened so fast. The restricting and purging had some so easy this time.
In this year, I have gone from one side of the weight spectrum to the other. My lowest weight before I went to treatment in September was 84.6lbs. By the time I left there at the beginning of October, I was up to 95lbs. Then I got up to 98lbs. And now here I am, the last day of the year and my last known weight was 89.8lbs. Last weekend was a huge wake up call for me. And from last Sunday until a couple days ago, I was going everyday eating "normally" and not counting calories. Then I got sick and I have barely ate for the past two days. I literally slept all day yesterday. And then beat myself up because I felt lazy and didn't do shit besides lay around. I'm pretty sure I know why, but not 100% sure. Saturday night I took 3 of my Clonazapam at once. I'm only supposed to take one as needed. Which used to be 1 like every other day. But I have found myself taking 1 or 2 and then smoking a bowl just to calm my anxiety. My anxiety has been so high this past week. I have a doctor appointment in 45 minutes to get prescription refills, and of course to get weighed.
So moving on to 2013... I am not going to make a "resolution" so to speak. I am going to make a whole new me. A me that my kids and family will love. A me that will make new friendships, and mend old ones. I am starting out with redecorating our house. Putting in positive and loving things that will create a loving home. So here are my "resolutions....."
*I will eat dinner with my family and not let those negative thoughts ruin dinner
*I will reach a healthy weight so I will be able to work out and have it not kill me
*I will not let anymore negative people in my life
*I will stop letting people walk all over me
*I will start using my voice
*I will stop referring my eating disorder to Ana, it doesn't deserve a persona
*I will find new interests
*I will find different ways to cope with stress instead of restricting and purging
*I will be there 100% for my family and kids
*I will make new friendships and mend the old ones that ever meant anything to me
*I will own up to my mistakes and stop blaming them on my eating disorder
I know this sounds like a lot, but I've got an entire year, right? I hope everyone has a great new year and spend it with the ones you love. Also, I'm sorry I haven't been commenting much, but I will get back to it right away. Stay strong and beautiful. Much love.
XOXO Katie

Post Christmas update

Ditched my dietitian appointment yesterday. Blamed it on being sick, but in reality, I don't want to get weighed. I have been eating all 3 meals and a night time snack every single day since Sunday. Pretty sure I've put on like 20lbs. But every time I let those negative thoughts slide into my head, I go back to Saturday night and the way I looked at myself in the mirror with terror in my eyes of what I've become. Sunday night, my youngest got the flu. Then Christmas Eve, T got the flu. I'm pretty sure I caught it Christmas night, but not near as bad as they did. I didn't overeat on Christmas. I'm pretty sure that I'm not reaching my 2,800 calories I'm supposed to have each day, but I know that I am managing over 1,000. That's OK. I'm OK with that. I do always feel full, and I hate that. But I know a big part of it is that I'm "backed up." I haven't been taking any laxies. I'm regretting ever letting my body get dependant on those things.
Right now I am eating a PB&J sandwich with cottage cheese and some pretzels. Not overdoing it, but staying with the safe foods for now. I have been having a piece of fudge every night. Last night I had two and regretted it. I had to take two of my Clanazapam just to calm my anxiety. Then I turned into a loopy person lol.
As for Christmas, I got everything that I wanted, and more. I got a Furby. I know, it sounds lame. But I have been wanting one since the came out with them again. I had one when I was a kid, and I remember loving that thing to death. Now it's time for a new and improved one =) I got perfume, a jewelry box, a sweater, a food saver, and a few other super sweet gifts. T got his shotgun that he's been wanting from his dad. I got his dad a holster for one of his pistols and T got him a PS3. T's son got a new IPOD. My boys got a TV and DVD player for their bedroom. So everyone made out with some nice gifts.
I'm pretty stressed about tomorrow because I have 3 appointments tomorrow. The first one is to see if my youngest needs tubes in his ears because he has so much fluid in them from all of his ear infections. Then my oldest has therapy. Then I have therapy. So a pretty busy day. I take my oldest up to his psychiatrist to discuss meds with him again and to see if it's time for another med.
Alright, off to do the rest of my house duties. I already got all the Christmas decorations and tree down. Now time to do laundry, dishes, vacuum, and then get the boys ready to go to the appointment. I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas. Much love.
XOXO Katie

My Rock Bottom

I didn't count calories yesterday or today. Why, you ask? Well pretty much because I am so done with all of this shit. Saturday night, I hit rock bottom. Let me start at the beginning:
So all day Saturday, we were out finishing up our Christmas shopping. It took us way longer than we expected. So while we were out around lunch time, we decided to go to Taco Bell for lunch. I did good. I ordered two small things and kept it down. As much as I wanted to go in the bathroom and purge, I knew that T's son would have noticed, and I'm not willing to risk that. Plus in the back of my mind, I kept thinking that I will do enough walking the rest of the day to burn those calories. And I probably did. After T's son went back to his mom's house, we went out shopping for him. We were at Walmart until like 10:30pm and I was starving. So T suggested McDonald's since we were right there. Fuck! Fast food twice in one day. I ate entirely too much. Way more than I wanted to. We went home afterwards and my one and only focus was to purge all of that nasty, disgusting food. I got my youngest to bed, and that is exactly what I did. I purged it all, and blood, and my side hurt so bad. I was in tears because I was so mad at myself. After I came out of the bathroom is when it all escalated and went downhill from there.
T and I started having this discussion and this time I was more honest with him than I have ever been when it comes to my eating disorder. I told him I knew he didn't love me anymore because I know that I am not Katie anymore. I am Ana. I have been for months. Katie has been gone, and so has that love that T had for her. I was crying so hard, and I started to become angry. I went in the bedroom, ripped a picture of the two of us from when we first got together off the wall, took it back into the dining room where we were talking, and pointed to the picture. I told him that is all I want. I want to be that girl again. The girl who would melt when he would look at me. The girl who had cleavage, and a smile, and thick beautiful hair. But I wasn't her anymore. I am this girl who looks so dead on the outside. This girl who has lost all life to her, and all her color is gone. I was to the point where I couldn't breathe because I was crying and I was angry and all I wanted to do was hit something.
My first instinct was to go into the bathroom and start cutting at myself. My stomach, my legs, my arms, my face. Because it didn't matter anymore. I was ugly already, can't really do anymore damage. But instead I did something completely opposite. I went into the bathroom, locked the door and stared at myself in the mirror. Then I started to slowly undress. First my hoodie. Then my shirt. Then my bra and finally my pants. Now I was forcing myself to look at the person I have become. I can count each one of my ribs. My entire pelvis is visible. My face looks hollow. I look like I should be dead. And if I were to have another heart attack right now, I probably would die. I'm 88lbs and I am so unhappy.
So anyway, after staring at myself for so long, I grabbed my cutting shears. I pulled my hair back in a ponytail, and started snipping away. I didn't care what I was doing. I didn't care how it was going to look. I was just cutting it away because I'm not Katie anymore, I'm Ana, and I need to get rid of her somehow. By this time, T is knocking on the door and asking me to unlock it. I was crying so loud and snipping so much away. My hair was falling and softly landing on my feet. Finally after I was done, I opened the door and fell onto the floor. I sat there crying, secretly praying for God to intervene in my life at that very moment or I was going to die. All the while T is staring at me, not knowing what to do. I got up and fell into his arms. And told him over and over again that "I am done." I can't count how many times those words came out of my mouth.
After I calmed down, I put one of his t-shirts on, went out to smoke a cigarette and reflect on what just happened. That was it. That was my rock bottom. That will be the moment that I will always remember and I will write about in my memoir one day. After smoking, I went and took a shower. The most amazing shower I have ever had. Because to me it felt like I washing away my sins. I was washing away Ana. I woke up yesterday with a different outlook on all of this. Because I don't have even two more weeks to play around with this shit. The way I have been losing weight, I would be 75lbs in a couple weeks. If I even made it there. My kids would have to be without their mom, my mother without her daughter, and the love of my life without a partner.
I'm not saying that it's over just like that. Fuck no. I'm going to have my struggles. Just like I have been having for months. I might slip, but I can get back up. Eating for the past two days has been extremely overwhelming, and I still feel like I want to throw up, or take a couple laxies. But I'm resisting it. I haven't ate out at all. Been eating healthy food at home and controlling how much and telling myself when I need to stop. I already feel refreshed, and everyone around me seems to be pleased, so that's a plus. I also haven't been wearing as much makeup as I was before. And just if anyone is curious, I did have my very dear friend fix my hair. It's about 6 inches shorter in some places, but you know what, it's a new me. This is the person I'm starting to become all over again. I'm looking forward to Christmas and spending it with everyone that I love. And I'm looking forward to starting a new year. 2012 has been a horrible year, but we will save that for another post.
This isn't impossible. Your eating disorder doesn't have to control you. You have to find the willpower to get up and fight. I gathered the tools to do this while in treatment, and now it's time to use them. And you can too. Don't let yourself get to your rock bottom to realize that your eating disorder is killing you. You don't have to suffer alone. There is always someone that can relate to you (hint, hint.) Get up on your two feet and punch Ana (or ED) in the face. Take no more of their shit. I hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and get to spend it with those that you love. Much love.
XOXO Katie

Long update

My therapist really pushed me to my limits today. It was needed. I've been needing a reality check, and it was good that she was the one who gave it to me. First off, I spent most of the appointment talking about everyone else and the problems they're going through. Which she pointed out to me. I was spending "my" time worrying about everyone but me. But the point to where she had me crying was when she asked me, "what would happen if you did let your eating disorder kill you?" I told her that my boys wouldn't have me. Then she prodded a bit more and I went into deep detail about how my oldest wouldn't get the care he needs for his issues because his father doesn't give two shits about it. That he would end up with no friends and a shut in. His dad is the same way. He wouldn't give him the opportunity to grow into a wonderful man that I know he could be. My mother wouldn't have me there for her. I have been so worried about her lately because she is sick, but she canceled her follow up doctors appointment. My therapist asked me how I felt about it and I said sad. Then she pointed out that, that is probably how everyone else feels when it comes to me. It's not that I don't give a shit about what happens if I die, but I'm just not scared of death. This whole conversation had me in tears, and she even shed some herself. I'm relapsing. But instead of her being upset with me, she is quite understanding. She said it's a part of recovery. That I had all this ambition when I first got out of treatment and then fell flat on my face when I didn't have all the "babysitting" I had while in treatment. I went back down to Denver today to get the final diagnosis on my oldest. That was quite overwhelming as well. So when he sees his therapist and psychiatrist next week, we will be discussing a lot about different meds and treatment for him. I tried talking to his dad about it this evening, he didn't seem too interested. This is so frustrating. I am doing everything I can for him, and his dad is pretty much just my babysitter when I need him (sometimes.)
So I went to the library the other day and got a couple books to do some research. One on Borderline Personality Disorder, one on how to stop self mutilation, and an anxiety workbook. I will work through those once I'm finished with this one my dietitian gave to me. This one has me pretty wrapped up and taking a lot of notes. I will also be calling my doctor tomorrow and discuss with her about doing testing for Osteoporosis. It's been brought up by a couple of people lately, so I should probably get on that.
As far as my eating disorder goes lately. I'm trying to get through each day staying under 500cal. Anything above that right now scares the shit out of me. Purging is often. Crying over something small is often. It's almost 8:30pm and I've had 340cal so far. And 140 of that was a stupid, stupid piece of fudge. Damn it. I don't even know why I made it. Just to get fat off of or what? Right now in the book I'm reading, I am supposed to be writing a list of my irrational beliefs when it comes to food, weight, body, and eating. My list is pretty long so far, and I'm not even close to done. Maybe in my next post, I will write it out, because I bet a lot of you struggle with the same beliefs. Well I'm off to get a couple things done. It's been so cold here lately and I just want to climb under the blankets with my heating pad. Have a wonderful night/day everyone. Much love.
XOXO Katie

Day of appointments

Went and saw my dietitian this morning. We talked about how I am extremely dehydrated due to the fact that I'm only drinking my coffee in the morning and a cup of tea at night. I am terrified of gaining that water weight. Plus water is gross. I suppose I could drink more tea, but I would need to expand my collection. I don't have very many flavors. I was also weighed at the beginning of my appointment. Down another pound. Which puts me at 90lbs. I had a bad day on Saturday. Purged both the meals I ate. Yesterday I only ate once, and pretty much restricted my amount. Only to turn around and eat chocolate. Stupid, stupid sweets. I'm going to lose everything, aren't I? The love of my life, my kids, my support team, my family. All because of my eating disorder. If people don't walk away from me, then they are going to bury me.
NO!!! THAT'S NOT RIGHT! IT ISN'T GOING TO HAPPEN LIKE THAT. I'M ONLY 23 YEARS OLD. I CAN NOT BECOME ANOTHER STATISTIC!
Alright, that feels a bit better. After my appointment, my youngest had his speech/behavioral evaluation. Keep in mind that he will be 2 next month and I have had concerns about his speech being behind. So they told me that he has the speech of a 15-month old, so he will be seeing a speech therapist once a week, and he is also behind on his cognitive and fine motor skills, so he will be seeing a developmental therapist twice a month. I'm not trying to sound terrible, but I have so much shit on my plate with the boys. This Thursday I go down to Denver to get the results from my oldest's evaluation from Friday. Between all the appointments I have for him each week, and my appointments, now I'm adding more to my plate. I will do everything it takes for my kids to have the future they deserve. So far this week I have a total of 6 appointments, but I haven't even made my therapy or DBT appointments for the week.
Tonight, my oldest was in his room crying for about a half hour because I would give him some of the "chocolate drink" I made earlier. He was throwing things at the door at me, and punching the door and screaming his head off. This hasn't happened in awhile. Both the boys have just been really clingy lately and I'm not sure why. T says it's because they can tell that I'm going downhill again and not feeling myself. That's probably it. Well I'm just rambling now. Have a good night everyone. Much love.
XOXO Katie

Why do I do that?

I set myself up for failure before I even give myself a chance. As I am making my lunch, my thoughts were, "Why are you making this when you know you're going to want to purge afterwards?" That was my thought as I was ordering dinner last night as well. T is right, I do lack the will-power to beat this thing. My eating disorder has won for so long because I don't have enough fucks to give. I gave in this time, but it's not happening again. Ana, this shit is over. I DO NOT enjoy throwing up my food. I DO NOT enjoy the pain of my throat burning after I purge. I DO NOT love Ana anymore. She is not my friend, she is my enemy. She is pushing everyone in my beautiful life away from me, and loving every moment of it. I can't do this anymore. If I want my life back, if I want to be around for my children, if I want to live a full life, Ana's got to pack up and hit the road.
I want to apologize to everyone that has been affected by me and my eating disorder. I know I've said this many times over, but for everyone that has stuck by my side through this terrible time, thank you. The amount of support I have received, especially over this past year, has been incredible. I haven't been in this alone like Ana has made me believe. I truly to have people that love me and I couldn't see it as clear as I do now. Treatment was my first step towards recovery. And then I had a relapse. Today is my second step towards recovery. I'm not saying that it's over from here on out, because all of us know it isn't that easy, but I'm making another move towards a better life. I hate myself for what I've done to all those I love and all those who love me. But that's the end of it. I'm done hating myself for every little thing, even things I can not control.
From this moment on, I am going to try to not look so negatively at things. If I do, then again, I'm setting myself up for failure. Thank you again for reading. I love you all. Much love.

XOXO Katie

My problems seem petty tonight

Tonight our country mourns for 20 children and 6 adults killed in a mass shooting at an elementary school. So instead of me ranting and raving about how much I hate myself, how fat I am, how I just want to die; I am holding my boys a bit closer and expressing how much I love them. At around 9:30am, a 24 year old man walked into a CT elementary school and opened fire, killing children, teachers and other administration. Tonight we lighted a candle for all those families that lost their loved ones. The victims were as young as 5 years old. The same age as my oldest son. Kids in their Kindergarten classes. There has been too many shootings this year. One only an hour away from me back in August. It's so sad what our country has come to. My heart is breaking. My thoughts and many, many prayers are with those families. I love each and everyone of you that take the time to read my blog. Much love.
XOXO Katie

Trying so hard, but so difficult

This is so much harder than it looks to the outside world. Yesterday I managed to eat all 3 meals without purging any of it. And even had a small piece of cake last night after dinner. I'm pretty sure my total intake was about 1,100 calories or so, but I did eat all the meals I was supposed to. But this is so hard. Everyone keeps telling me how proud they are of me. But last night as I was getting undressed to get in the shower, I saw my body. I feel and look so fat. So I voiced that and T got upset with me. He said to me that nobody hates themselves, and I told him that I have always hated myself. And like I've heard many times, I focus too much on the negative stuff throughout my day instead of focusing on all the good that I do. That I can't be proud of eating 3 meals a day, but instead be mad at myself for letting myself getting fat. I have decided that if I am going to eat all 3 meals in my day, then I am going to start working on my thunder thighs and my abs so I can at least look "tight" this coming summer. I spent the last two days down in Denver with my mom. She isn't feeling well and I have been trying my hardest in taking care of her. Yesterday while she was in the hospital, her doctor said to me that I don't look well and that she would check me into the ER too and be my doctor. I turned her down. My main focus was my mom, not me. That's always my issue. Everyone else comes before me. I'm okay with that. Last weigh in at the doctor was 91lbs. I'm pretty sure I've gone up at least 2lbs since then. Sigh, this is going to be hard to get used to. I hope everyone is doing well. Much love.
XOXO Katie

6 months left?

I've been putting off writing mainly because I don't know what to say. Here I am, two months out of treatment, and I'm falling right back into old habits and relapse. I feel guilty because everyone is doing everything they can to try to help me, but this is my demon to face and until I get the "balls" to stand up to Ana, I'm going to continue to self destruct. I miss having a scale. I miss being able to know my weight every morning. But like T has pointed out before, I was obsessed with it. I always was weighing myself. Saturday was a bad day for me. For the first time in months, I self harmed. All over my stomach. Because I felt like that's where it deserved it. Yesterday before my shower, T pointed out that he can count my ribs again and see my entire spine when standing up straight. Ana jumps for joy for that one. Yesterday was a heavy day. T was dealing with something that got brought up out of the middle of nowhere and he was pretty distracted with all of that. So I tried to push Ana aside to help him and support him. Of course, Ana can't be pushed aside. But yesterday she wasn't my number one focus, T was. But here I am, alone today, with my thoughts. I have skipped breakfast, will probably skip lunch because I have an ultrasound at 12:30pm to find out what's wrong and why I'm bleeding so much. It's probably another cyst. Yippy, not! Do you think 5 days of purging at least once a day is a slip or relapse? Maybe I'm just in denial about relapsing. Two months ago, I was thriving. I was on top of the world. I had beat Ana (or so I thought.) Everything was looking up. Back in July when my doctor told me I had less than a year to live, I made that decision to go to treatment and live my life. Am I just staying with Ana because it's comfortable? Am I really not that terrified of letting this thing kill me? All of these unanswered questions. According to my doctors prediction, I would only have 6 months left from this point. I told T yesterday that I feel like this is what is going to kill me. Maybe not in 6 months, but eventually down the road. I'm reading this book called "Gaining." It's about her life after her eating disorder, but it's filled with so much I can relate to. It's really a great book. Well I am going to finish my coffee and get on with my day. Thank you all for the lovely comments on my last post. I plan to be writing poetry more often. Much love.
XOXO Katie

Finally a poem

Disclaimer: This poem doesn't reflect my wanting to give in, but something others can relate too. I haven't been able to write in a long time, and this just came to me. Enjoy.

The sky is beginning to darken and the wind is moving in. I sit in the corner sending prayers for safety, but no one is answering them. I have only one companion to keep me safe. Someone who keeps bringing me back to this place. Although she isn't physically here, I can still see her face. She tells me it will be alright, just as long as I listen to her. "Ignore the storm outside and all the terror it will stir." She tells me the smaller that I am, I will not be in the way. Maybe if I starve myself, today will be that day. The day that my world will come to an end. And she's my only friend. The cuts across my arms and thighs, are nothing compared to the lies. Or this silent room in which I cry. She wraps her arms around me, claiming to stay near. But when I look at her, it's everything I fear. The control she has over me, but claims she's doing what's best. Fighting to kill me and finally lay me to rest. 23 years old and buried six feet under. Can no longer hear the rain or thunder. Buried underneath a single red rose. Leaving behind everyone, but that's how death goes. I've decided to wave my white flag, give into this battle. Stop riding my horse of victory, climb off of that saddle. Take Ana's hand and walk with her towards the light. Because like she said before, there's nothing left to fight. She has already won, made me fade away. She has killed me inside and out every single day. I will no longer hurt the ones who mean the most to me. I wonder if they will miss me, even to a small degree. Who will show up and cry tears or sadness, as my body burns to ashes. When I'm gone, I will only be a memory, a girl who never got to be free. I was another statistic of a girl starving herself to death, only to forget to take that one last breath. So when I'm gone, remember who I was before all of this. Remember I am free to live in eternal bliss. I will no longer live with this disease, I can get back on my feet and off my knees. For they are too scraped up to keep moving on, I'm pulling away, becoming withdrawn. I don't leave behind a legacy, only a memory, so please don't forget me.

I have done it again... Triggering

Well first off let's start with my appointments I had today. Last week when I saw my dietitian, I was up two pounds than I was today. Yeah, I've lost 2lbs in one week. I was hoping that I was at least maintaining. But the restricting is probably playing a part in it. "No shit it's the restricting. You might as well mention the purging as well." Sigh... Yes, I did it. I can't be anymore disappointed in myself than I am right now. It just happened. I was overcome with Ana and I wasn't myself anymore. I got up from that table and just walked to the bathroom in a daze, fully aware that I wasn't Katie, I was Ana. It was so easy. It's like it hasn't been long at all since the last time I stuck my fingers down my throat. But I can't go backwards. I can't let this happen after I eat every time, or I'm going to keep drastically losing weight. My dietitian wants me to research the health risk factors of being under 90lbs. She said that she wants me to at least maintain between today and our next appointment, but she said that I might go back down again. I had to sign my contract with her today saying that I won't skip appointments, I will try to manage over 1,000 calories a day and I will do my research. So now I have homework for my therapist and dietitian. I should probably get on top of that. And go start dinner. Sorry for a scattered post. I hope everyone is doing well. Much love.

XOXO Katie

Grocery Shopping

Why do I buy things that I know I will not eat? Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind I'm convinced that I will just stop caring and eat it. Like the damn chocolate muffins that now sit in my pantry. What was I thinking? Everything I bought for me was based on the calories. I haven't been this bad in months. I got 30cal almond milk for cereal that I probably won't allow myself to eat. It's been entirely too long since I've had breakfast. My meal plan is stuck to my fridge. But Ana ignores it every time I open the door. I also bought pumpkin baking mix to make pumpkin bread that everyone else will eat but I won't touch. As I stand there pulling things off the shelves and looking at the calories of every item, people pass me and look at me like I have a huge sign on my back that says "Anorexic." Not saying that I don't judge as well. If I see a really skinny girl in the grocery store, I automatically look in her basket. If she has things like me, then I assume she has an eating disorder as well. I actually had these two ladies pass me in the store today as I was admiring calories and one whispered to the other, "Yeah, like she needs to be counting calories." I find comments like that rude. Don't assume that I read the nutrition labels on things to amount up to a superficial standard of skinny. This goes way deeper than that. I need to amount up to my standards. Unfortunately those are usually impossible to reach, but I'll try anyway. This is killing me. Not only physically, but emotionally as well. I want nothing more than to wake up in the morning and my eating disorder be gone. Something I don't have to dwell on every moment of the day. Today is just a rough day, and I'm not even sure why. It's almost 2pm and I have had nothing to eat. This restricting is getting out of hand again and I can't afford to go back down to 84lbs. And the last time I weighed myself, I was only 9lbs away from that. I have my family and kids to think about. I wish it was that easy. I wish that every time I went to go eat something that my thoughts were on what I could lose in life instead of the amount of calories the food has in it. I've been trying to listen to my recovery CD in efforts of making myself feel better, but that's not working. I just want to sleep until my eating disorder has vanished. Time for me to go get my son from school. Hope everyone is doing well. Much love.
XOXO Katie

9 questions from Miss Bones Jackson

I was nominated again for another liebster blog award by Miss Bones Jackson over at My way to beauty. So here are my answers:
1: What did you want to be when you were 8 years old? When I was younger, I wanted to be a vet. Then two years later that changed to writer.
2: Do you have pets? I have 3 dogs and a hamster.
3: What do you like about your life? My family. My kids. My friends.
4: What would you do, if by waking up tomorrow, your ED would have been gone? The first thing I would do is drink a big glass of OJ and then go out to eat with my love.
5: Which person(s) do you never want to leave your side? First of all, I don't ever want to lose T. He is such an important part in my life. Then there are my kids, and my mom. And my best friends.
6: What is your favorite color? My favorite colors are pink and black, but they have to be together.
7: What does your exercise routine look like? I don't currently have one because I'm not suppose to exercise until I put on another 10lbs.
8: Do you live alone or with friends or family? I live with my boyfriend and our three kids.
9: What makes you sad? When the people I love put themselves down.

Hope everyone is doing well. I will properly update later.