My letting go letter

So I am writing this letter to RJ. To let him know he doesn't have control over me anymore. Enjoy.
To RJ, Sept. 27, 2012

I know that I will never give you this letter that I am writing, but I think it is good for me to get it all out so that I can let go and drop all of this baggage that you placed on me. Here I am, almost 8 years later, and I still can not let go of what you did to me. I don't know where you are in your life, and frankly, I don't care. But you need to know where I am at in my life and what you did to contribute to the way I am today... You hurt me. In every way humanly possible. You started hitting me 2 weeks into our relationship. I was so young. I didn't know how to handle the situation. You were twice my size so there was no way that I could fight you off. You were two years older than me, and after watching what your dad put your mom through, I didn't think I would see a side like that of you. But here's the catch. Eventually it didn't just become your other side, it became your whole self. I didn't know another you. You tore me down and destroyed everything that I had once stood for. Not only did you take away my virginity, but then forced me to have an abortion at the age of 13! Adoption wasn't an option with you because you and your mom didn't want anyone to know. So we kept it a secret, your mom paid for it, and then we went about our life afterwards. You left me to deal with that pain alone. You didn't understand why I couldn't get over it. For 3 years you made my life a living fucking hell and I can't even begin to process where in your mind you felt it was right to treat me that way. But I didn't know any other way of life. My dad assumed that life with you was perfect and didn't take too much into consideration when I practically started living with you. You made me your property in no time and took away anything that would connect me to the outside world. I was your puppet. I was your slave. I still, to this very day, have nightmares about you. Some days when I wake up, I wake up emotionally upset, and sometimes I wake up really fucking angry. Angry at you. Angry at myself. How could I let someone treat me the way you did and not do anything about it. Your sister and your mom both knew and witnessed what you did to me. Everyone was too scared of you to say anything, so we kept it our little secret. Here's the thing about little secrets though RJ. They become very heavy burdens, and the victim has to deal with it for the rest of their life. But that is why I am taking this chance to write this letter. I do not want to live with this burden for the rest of my life. Everyone knows what you did to me. Except you. I am not sure you are quite aware of what you did to me and how it affected my life and future. RJ, I fucking watched you beat the shit out of your mom a week before Christmas one year. You always said you wouldn't hurt your mom because she was the one who protected you from your dad. Did it make you feel like a piece of shit when you were doing that? Did you regret it when the cops took you to the halfway house and you had to go to court? You know what I regret about that situation? Your mom begged me to go to the courts and show them the bruises, the bald spots in my hair, the burns on my legs, just to send you to jail; and I didn't. Because I was convinced that you would change. Like all the time you said before that. You never fucking changed. You continued to be the same controlling asshole that you had always been. I know that you don't think of me these days, but everything you did to me has been placed in my memory. I want these memories out and away. You sold me to your "friends" for drugs or money. You didn't care what they did to me, as long as you were getting something out of it. A girl at the age of 14 should not even know the things that I knew at that point. Fucked up thing is that the money that you got from other guys using my body, you didn't even share. You kept it all to yourself and claimed that you were the man, and you were in control of the money. You wouldn't let me wear blue jeans because you were so "gangsta" and if I wore blue, then I was being disrespectful towards you. Everyone that was even remotely close to either one of us knew what you were doing to me. It's not like you could cover up all the physical abuse you put me through. People noticed my hair missing. People noticed the black eyes. The bruises that covered my body. But I denied it all. Just to keep you safe. Wow, was I fucking stupid. You kept me down to one meal a day so I wouldn't get fat. I needed to be everything you needed to keep your habits going. You told me that I was ugly. And that sometimes guys would request a bag to put over my head when they used me because I was so ugly. Although that never happened. You used that to beat down my self esteem even more than it already was. That's why I live with an eating disorder to this day. Because something that started out as one tiny insecurity, you blew way out of proportion with the way you treated me. By the time that I got out of our relationship, I was so beat down, physically and emotionally, that I didn't know if I was ever going to be the same. You raped me a month before I finally got the nerve to leave you. That's when I started cutting. And when you found out that I was cutting, you made me feel guilty. Guilty for using something to control something in my life. You had my whole life in the palm of your hand. You even told me on several occasions that if I went to anyone and told them the physical pain you put me through, that you had a gun that I couldn't find, and you weren't afraid to use that. Are you fucking kidding me? Nothing about you was right. And honestly, I hope that your life is miserable. I hope that your daughter, Winter, doesn't have anything to do with you. I hope she gets taken away from you. Because in no short time at all, you will be treating her the same way. That's why her mom left. That's why your sister has temporary custody of her. You are a very destructive, selfish person and I am ready to get rid of you for good. I am happy in my life where I'm at, and I can not continue to carry the baggage with my relationship that I am in. He doesn't deserve that, and neither do I. I hate you. And I mean HATE you. To my very core. With everything that I am, I would give anything to watch you suffer the way I did, and still do. But come your day, I won't be the one making that call. You will have to face God and see the person that you are. He makes the judgement, and you will have to face the consequences for what you did and probably are continuing to do to this day. So to wrap this up, I am going to say that this is it. This is the end. I'm taking this baggage of mine that I've been carrying around for so long, and I'm throwing it away. From this point forward, you will have zero control over me and my thoughts. I am no longer giving into fear of you, but giving myself my life back. Maybe one day, this letter will find you. And I hope you realized that you hurt me to the point of nothingness. But I'm taking my voice and power back. How does that make you feel? Here, I've even attatched a song for you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMHPDIz02gQ