It's cold this morning. No matter how much I try, I can't seem to wrap warmth around me. My room is quiet which is giving me time to think. But now a days, I don't like thinking too much, because then I am consumed by my negative thoughts. I can't stop thinking about what everyone at home is doing and if they miss me or not. I kind of miss my old routine of my mornings. Being able to enjoy a big mug of coffee with my love and smoking and just talking. It's day 4 of not knowing my weight and it does concern me. Yesterday I gave it 100% in all my meals, but by the end of the day, I wasn't feeling too well. I just wish I could know what I weigh. But at the same time, I am trying to break free of letting those numbers control me. Those numbers on the scale should not dictate my mood. They should not make or break my day. I am learning to love myself without having to know how much I weigh each morning. I don't sleep well. I miss my love, but I am also consumed by nightmares every night. Ones in which make absolutely no sense and I am not even sure why I would be having them. I'm extremely nervous about today because it's a Multi-Family Group and my dad says he will be coming. I just hope that it's a positive experience and that we don't grow further apart because of it. Saturdays here are probably going to be my favorite days because we get out of program earlier. That way I can come back to the house, and have time for myself. I am thinking of a nap and watching a movie when I get back. That sounds about wonderful. I know this is a short post, but I may update later concerning my day. Much love.
XOXO Katie
Katie my dear, I am so glad to read that you are in treatment. I'm glad you are in a safe place.
ReplyDeleteThis will probably be the hardest thing you will ever do but you are giving yourself and your family the best possible gift you could ever give them.
When I was in treatment I had to surrender and let go. Surrender to the programme, let go of anorexia and most of all trust. Trust that this the right thing to do, trust that you are not and won't get fat, trust your body and trust your therapist and most of all yourself.
I wish you every success in treatment Katie and I will be thinking of you.
Sending you hope, faith and love x
I'm so happy for you, Katie. What you're doing requires so much strength; you've inspired me to work harder towards fully recovering. I'm sure that each day will get easier so hang in there. I'm glad to hear that you're not letting the number on the scale dictate your life anymore. You are beautiful no matter what. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDelete<3 Laura
Ive missed you <3 Im so glad that yous eem to be doing so well ^^
ReplyDeleteBeing away from the ones we love is always hard hunny and ruby is right, your giving them an amazing gift. You are so strong and lovely and im so proud of you ^^
Im glad I found out about this blog (I was on holiday when you posted the link on your old blog and missed it) I was looking back missng you and I saw it ^^
the scale will never tell you how smart, kind, or talented you are. I use to weigh myself ten times a day. Now i eat 6 times a day, and i dont look at the scale i look better now at 135lbs than i ever did at 115lbs. you cant have tone and abs without muscle, and muscle is heavy. treatment would be really hard, but i promise you that recovery is so worth it!
ReplyDeletewww.strengthisbeauty13.blogspot.com