Day 2 in treatment. My first full day with everything included. Today was a very hard day. I engaged in eating disorder behaivors and I feel guilty and shameful of myself. But I plan on being completely honest with my therapist tomorrow morning when I meet with her. I feel isolated. I feel huge. So many emotions are going on right now and I don't know how to handle it all. My mom took me shopping this evening so I could get some warm clothes because fall is approaching so fast around here. I love the fall weather, but only to a certain point. One of the hardest things I am dealing with is missing everyone. I got to talk to my oldest twice today and got quite emotional for me. He is sick and I wish that I could be there to cuddle with him. Especially right now. I feel so lonely and I know that he would give me all kinds of cuddles. A lot of my past has been brought up recently not only in my blog, but with treatment as well. I hate not being in control of anything here. I mean I do have choices, but limited. It's more of do this or do this. Like this evening for example. I wasn't able to finish all my dinner, I felt full from all of the food from earlier in the day, but because I didn't finish all my dinner, they asked me if I would drink a Boost. They give it as an option, like I don't have to drink it, but I did anyway. What's the point of being in here if I'm not going to try? Same reason why I plan on being completely honest with my therapist tomorrow. I'm not going to get any closer to recovery if I'm lying, right? I know that I am just rambling really, but these last couple of days have been extremely overwhelming and kind of a blur. I'm making new friends. Such sweet girls. A wonderful, positive enviorment that I am in. Well I don't much left to say, but thank you all for the sweet, beautiful, supportive comments. Keep them coming. I love reading them =) Much love.
XOXO Katie
Hey beautiful,
ReplyDeleteDon't EVER feel ashamed of yourself. You're doing great. Having a past such as yours will drive completely insane most people. Most people would have given up ages ago. My past is not really shiny, but I've gone through not even half of the crap you went through.
And you are still here.
Fighting, really fighting, for god's sake!
Don't understimate you drinking the boost and all the little things you are doing. each one is such an achievement!
For what it's worth, I'm really proud of you and really admire you for your neverending strength.
Yeah it must be hard to be so far away from your kids. But keep in mind that they love you, they always will.
You are a great mom and a great person.
Love you heaps!!! xxxxxx