Friday, September 21, 2012

Day 10 in treatment

I'm sorry that I have been so absent. This has been a very long, emotional week. But I am excited about tomorrow because I get the privilege of leaving for the night tomorrow and going home. My family group is in the morning and my love is coming to that. Then after I get out of program, we are heading back to the house for the night. I get to see my youngest and I get to have some time away from here. So onto other things; last night I started writing my "autobiography" to read next week. I have to read it to the girls in my group and I'm pretty nervous. I have about 5 pages so far and I'm about half way through. While writing it last night though, I found a lot of triggering thoughts entering my mind. I had an overwhelming urge to cut myself. Luckily I talked to one of the girls about it and I didn't end up doing it. I was quite proud of myself. I have to have the rough draft of my auto done by Monday so my primary therapist can read it before I read it in front of everyone. I hope to get it finished on Sunday night. I'm really sad because we are losing one of the girls that I have become close with. She is leaving next week to go to a new place for a better level of care. That's one thing that does suck about places like this. You make some awesome friends but people come and go so often. But I have formed some awesome friendships and have made a few enemies. That's something that I learned this week all over again. I forgot what it's like to be in a place with a whole bunch of girls, seeing as I live with all guys. But gossip happens, things get said, and people get offended. According to the nurse I see every other day, I have only made a little bit of progress as far as weight goes, that they wanted to up my meal amount again. That's another reason why I'm so emotional this week. My meal plan has doubled. My average day with meals kinda looks like this; For breakfast it's either a bread day with peanut butter or a cereal day with milk. My breakfast consists of one of those, plus I have to have a fruit, plus I have to have a protein and this is around 9am. Then at 10:30 I have my AM snack which is trail mix. After that at 12pm we have lunch. My lunch is the normal what everyone else gets, plus a 1/2 cup of boost and another fruit. At 3pm I have my afternoon snack. Which is two snacks for me. Then at 5pm we have dinner. I have a regular dinner like everyone else, plus a fruit and another 1/2 cup of boost. And then finally at night sometime before bed, I have another snack. Which is another two snacks for me. So as you can see, I'm on a way different routine than what I was used to. Although I am doing it. I am eating 100% of all of my meals. I haven't been purging or taking laxies. I'm having a hard time with it, but I try to put that in the back of my mind while eating. Ana was pretty loud today, and still is. But instead of listening to her put me down, I'm concentrating on what I need to do to get better. I'm sorry this is such a long post, but I thought I would update everyone on what my life consists of these days. In between all those meals and snacks, I am in groups doing different things. I am in program from 8:15am-6:15pm during the week. Saturdays are 8:15am-3:15pm. And Sundays are 10:15am-6:15pm. Saturday nights we eat dinner at the house. And Sunday mornings we eat breakfast at the house. Then while at the house at night, we are working on projects for our groups at program. So as you can see, my days are quite busy. This is why I am so looking forward to tomorrow and Sunday morning. I'm nervous to see how I will do with dinner and breakfast on my own, but I'm confident that I can do it. My therapist is so proud of me for how much progress I have made in the short time that I have been here. She is already talking about moving me to IOP within a couple weeks. And then home. As long as my insurance covers it. But we will see what this weekend brings. I hope you all are doing well and I miss reading all the blogs. I promise to update more. Much love.
XOXO Katie

2 comments:

  1. Katie my dear I know how tough treatment is
    The food, the therapy, the group politics
    But this is going to be the best thing that ever happened to you
    You won't know yourself after this
    Yes it will be hard, the hardest thing you will do but the the rewards are massive
    You get your life back, your freedom back, your family back, your zest for life and so much more

    I'm so proud of you Katie
    I've followed journey for the last few months and I worried for you
    I am so happy for you that you are taking this step and you won't regret it
    If I had the chance I would go back to treatment again in a second

    Take care of you and enjoy your night at home
    You deserve it x

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  2. Katie, Keep up your work and don't give up your fight. I'm glad you're where you need to be, those beautiful boys at home need you to be around for a long time. Love.

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