Interruption of letting go

I apologize for not posting yesterday. I was full of emotions and it was my birthday and I ate like a pig. So this is going to be a regular post and I will go back to my series tomorrow. Okay where to start? My birthday was wonderful. The best one I have had in years. My mom showered me with love. We went and got pedicures, and went to lunch at Carinos. I ate way too much and felt sick all day long. She got me a Kitchen Aide Standing Mixer and it's freaking pink. Now I can make all my own breads and stuff. I'm pretty excited about that. T got me a beautiful black hills gold cross necklace, which I found quite fitting for the news that I also received yesterday.
Alright, so here it goes. I got THE phone call yesterday. The one telling me that my insurance approved me for 2 weeks inpatient at EDC of Denver. Then after 2 weeks, they will re-evaluate me and it sounds pretty promising that they will approve me for another 2 weeks given all the medical papers and therapist papers I had to provide. I'm a mixture of emotions. Everyone around me is showing how happy they are for me, and don't get me wrong, this is a huge blessing, but I can't help but be scared. And nervous. Well; and down right terrified. I have lived with Ana for 12 years. She's always been the one I run to when I am having problems. But I can no longer do that if recovery is my decision. It's all just very overwhelming. My admission date is next Wednesday the 12th. I will be able to take my laptop with me so I will be able to do updates. The program I am going to is PHP. So it's 10 hours a day at the center, and then at 6:15pm they transport us to the housing units. I will have roommates. I'm kinda nervous about that because I don't want to be the new girl who keeps to herself. But that's what I'm going to do. I can't imagine any of those girls liking me. I haven't told my oldest yet. I plan on telling him on Sunday, maybe after church. But I don't know how to go about telling him, or what to say, or how he is going to handle it. My biggest issue with me being away from him is the fact that he will be in the care of his father, and his dad is in complete denial that there is anything wrong with our son. I could put all the medical paperwork right there in front of him and he still would deny it. I'm going to miss my kids so much, especially if I do go for the full 4 weeks, or what if they keep me longer? That's so long without seeing them. They're my babies. My world. I have been crying on and off since I got the news yesterday. I can't wait til this is gone and I have my life back and my energy back. So that's it. I'm going inpatient... Yep...
XOXO Katie