Sunday, September 9, 2012

Letting Go: Part 4

This is the one who sent me to a mental facility when I was barely 12. His name was Joe and he was 19. I had only met him a few days earlier, but he had a car that could get me down to town so I could see all my friends and boyfriend. He was the only way I could get down to the fair that summer. I gave him a call one day to see if he could come get me and take me down to the fair. He said sure and I told him that we had to pick up a friend of mine on the way. He showed up about 20 minutes later. I was just getting ready to call my dad to let him know that I was leaving for the day when Joe shoved his way through my door. Before I got the chance to hit dial, he pushed me into my room and one handed lifted me onto my bed. It all happened so fast. He tossed the phone onto my floor and in a few quick movements, he had me naked. I remember trying to push him off of me but he wasn't taking no for an answer. After he was finished, in a very blunt voice, he said to me, "I'll be waiting in the truck." I didn't know what to do. My boyfriend called me and was begging me to come to town, I was crying, but didn't want to tell my boyfriend what had happened. I got dressed in a whole different outfit, put on an over sized hoodie; despite it being summer, and got in Joe's truck. We didn't speak at all, and when we picked up my friend, I climbed in the back seat with her and told her what had happened. She showed absolutely no remorse. She told me I was lucky because he was a good looking guy!! Really?!?!
Later that evening I was sitting with my boyfriend and a couple of our friends when one of them says, "Joe is telling everyone what you two did this morning." I was completely stunned. He was actually telling people that I had sex with him. Then my boyfriend gave me this look, and in that moment, I had to break down my wall and tell them what the story was. My friend Tiffany told me that I'm not the only girl he has done this to. I was surprised that he is still walking around a free man. Her and her boyfriend talked me into talking to a police officer about it. They tried calling my dad, he didn't pick up, so they tried my grandma, but she didn't answer neither. I had to fill out a police report, and then the cop straight told me that my story didn't sound likely and that a lot of girls have sex and then regret it and then claim rape. Because I changed my panties, I couldn't prove anything. I couldn't believe him. And I couldn't stop crying. The officer was on his way driving me home and I made a comment to myself about killing myself and he turned his car right around and took me to the hospital. I had to sit in the ER and talk to their shrink there. From there, they called my father, who had to take a taxi to the hospital because he had already had too much to drink. My dad showed up, I told him what had happened, the shrink and him talked for a bit and then they tell me they believe going to a facility in Greeley would be in my best interest because I was "at risk" of harming myself.
Joe's name made it in the paper, but nothing happened with him. About a week after I got out and was back in town, he started harassing me. Following me everywhere I went. Even after I started dating RJ, Joe was harassing me. It was a nightmare. And even worse is I found out later that evening that I left for the facility, my friend that had told me I was lucky, had sex with him at a party while I was laying in the hospital. Some friend, huh?
For a couple years to follow, every time I saw a blue Toyota pick up truck, my heart would start to race, but after awhile, I stopped letting it get to me. He has no idea what I look like now, nor my last name. So even if he still lives in the same town as me, I am no longer giving into a fear of him. He took something away from me that wasn't his to take. I just pray that I was his last victim and that no other girls had to suffer because of him.

2 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry this happened to you, and you were so very young when it happened. This guy should have cut his nuts of awake... I really hope you find a way to manage your feelings with this story, take care & lots of love

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  2. This is so heartbreaking. I'd cry if I could, but 7 years of sexual abuse have taken all the tears away. I wasn't raped, though, just touched. I don't know what penality these people deserve. I can't chose. I can't chose cause I can't think of a equal penality, and just thinking about these...monsters makes me sick and shake. A lot of times I've wished I was murdered, and I hope death is just blankness, so there will be mo memory of what happened, cause since you live, doesn't matter how happy I can feel, I can't forget...I can't fix it...I can't fix me.
    But I really hope you will. <3
    All my love and support.
    You are gorgeous.

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