Tears are falling from my eyes. I have caused disappointment in those around me. Some see me fighting, others see me giving up. Today has been a tough day. I had to say goodbye to my family and the new friends that I made. It's not that I'm trying to avoid food, but honestly, just not "really" that hungry. But T is right. I'm always making an "excuse" not to eat. Eating is not optional. In order to keep up with my life's constant demands, I have to fuel my body. Why am I so scared of gaining weight when I know how happy I will be in the end? I can't make up my mind if this trip has been good for me, or it's pushed me more towards Ana. I have done a lot of laughing and smiling in these last few days, but when I'm sitting here alone after all the chaos is done and over with, I cry. I feel empty. There are two beds in this room here in Nashville, and I'm sad. I have consumed 390cal so far and it's almost 11:30pm. After I get done with doing my laundry down in the hotel laundry room, I will come back up and eat a sandwich. I am processing this and pre-mediating it while I sit here. Although a hot shower sounds more amazing. See, right there, I'm making up excuses. Sigh. And now I'm just rambling on because I'm lonely. Ya'll keep up with the positive comments and thank you for my new followers. Each and everyone's comments bring a smile to my face.
XOXO Katie
hi katie, there will always be excuses not to eat but think of the two very important reasons you need to eat...think of those precious little boys you have. they need their mom more than anyone in their lives, it's a fact. you are their sun and their moon. right now you are their only hope of being happy, successful men in the future. you are the love of their lives. you need to be there for them. it's a huge responsibility. as difficult and scary as it is i know you can do it. get things straight in your head and do it, even if it's only for them.
ReplyDeletestand proud as you should, you are a great mom!
hugs,
lu
I know how hard this has been for you, Katie. At least you know what you need to do. It takes some time actually getting there though. Stay strong. You are so much stronger than you realize.
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