Rollercoaster goes up, then way, way down.

I woke up in such a wonderful mood this morning, and was looking forward for today's events. The Country Music Hall of Fame was absolutely amazing. I should have just walked it by myself though because my step mom seemed very irritated the whole time, which in turn made my dad in a bad mood. But I got to see all kinds of neat things. And got to see the Taylor Swift exhibit. It was amazing. I love her so much. By the time we left, we were all in bad moods. And it just got worse after that. I've had only 165cal today. I am about to eat a frozen dinner that consists of 180cal but I'm just not in the mood. I'm in the mood to drink. I haven't drank alcohol in over a month. I weighed in at 88lbs this morning. I just don't understand it. Maybe the thing is, I should just stop trying to understand it. Ana's voice is the first voice I hear in the mornings, and the last. She does control my moves when it comes to food. I did make another step towards recovery today and sent a possible Eating Disorder Mentor an application to see is she wants to work with me. I would love to work with an older lady who has been in recovery for quite some time. It would be wonderful for me. This dinner I'm eating isn't good at all, so I'm only going to eat the squash from it. Oh well. I've got other snacks and fruits as well. Even though I've been looking forward to being back at the hotel, I still can't but feel alone. I need to read a book or write some poetry. I have not written poetry in so long. I miss it. And I'm good at it. So maybe that's what I'll do. Tomorrow will be a new day. So hopefully I can fight the voices off tomorrow. Today wasn't a failure, it was a speed bump. Hit the road in the morning =) Much love
XOXO Katie