So moving on... I was right about being weighed on Wednesday. Went and saw Kim, only to be told that I went down 3lbs. Yeah, 93lbs. Now I'm tapping into the weight that I put on in treatment. I'm only 9lbs away from my lowest weight. Everyone seems pretty disappointed in me. I'm pretty disappointed in me. I can't let go of this evil eating disorder. It's tearing me up from the inside, out. I went and saw my doctor again yesterday. Two more medications and upping a dosage on one. They are trying to find the perfect anxiety medication so I can eat without having a total meltdown. We are having friends over for dinner tonight. So time to put my brave face on and eat in front of others. I love my hair this color. I wanted to do something different. Change the way I look, again. I shocked a few people when they saw it last night. My blood pressure is starting to go back down again. It was 92/53 yesterday. But my heart rate was good. I see my therapist today. She's going to be disappointed in me as well. I've been showing more of my nervous habits as of lately. The inside of my mouth is torn apart from chewing on it. My nails hurt because I've chewed them so short. And smoking a lot. I guess it's bound to happen. So nothing much more to say. I hope everyone is having a great day. Much love.
XOXO Katie
huni! I love it! And you are absolutely beautiful and you do not look big at all on the contrary you look tiny.. but I understand that we dont see ourselves how others see us, because to me huni you look absolutely tiny..
ReplyDeleteI love you my dear! I love your hair and I am glad you had the courage to do what you wanted to do! Also dont be too disheartened at yourself.. no one is disappointed in you, the only person you have to please is yourself. Do whatever you do for yourself and for your boys.. they are your world. Be strong darling.
Love you x
You do look really tiny, Katie. The hair is great, it really stands out!
ReplyDeleteJust stay strong and keep working at it. You will triumph! xoxo
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog from another ED blog and I wanted to leave a comment saying how much I like your blog. Also I love the pink hair!
Your hair is great! And I agree that you do not look big, though I know that it is relative and that your perception is what really matters to you.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best of luck with dinner, and with your therapist. xx
You are soooo beautiful oh my gosh. Your hair is freaking awesome you can totally pull it off! Katy Perry-esque :)
ReplyDeleteYou can be disappointed in yourself but don't get so down it keeps you from bouncing back up. Yesterday was yesterday, nothing you can do except be positive and strong through the present.
You'll be okay :) It's all ups and downs. Do something completely unrelated from ED for yourself.
You are so beautiful Katie and the pink really suits you!
ReplyDeleteTry not to beat yourself up over the loss
You are trying your best, we all know that
Recovery is often one step forward and 2 steps back but the important thing is to keep going
Be gentle with yourself
Be kind to you
Stay strong x
Love the hair! I want to go blue but can't bc of work:( and I agree with the above comments, you are itty bitty!
ReplyDeleteYou're teeny tiny, I know you don't see it but your left arm especially shows it with the angle you're taking the picture at. LOVE your hair; I love pink hair and it really suits you. I miss mine pink now :( xxx
ReplyDeleteYou look like a beautiful little pixie!
ReplyDeleteKatie, I think you look beautiful and the pink hair is awesome, I wish I was as brave to try something like that! Take care, many loves
ReplyDeleteI love your hair! I've always wanted to color mine (other than the normal) but I would first have to go through loads of bleaching and in return probably have no hair left. Anyways.
ReplyDeleteYou are so tiny, take care xx
You're beautiful:)
ReplyDelete