Those God-awful numbers read 101 this morning.
I was so sure they were going to read below 100.
It seems that I am forever going to be stuck in fatland.
The purging continues.
The laxatives continue.
But still, those numbers read triple digits.
Ana is having fun with it all.
Dancing circles around me chanting;
"You are fat. You are fat. You are fat."
For the most part, I watch what I eat.
I stay away from burgers, I stay away from French fries.
I monitor my portions.
I feel the fat piling over my clothes.
My stomach protrudes like I'm 3 months pregnant.
I hate what I see in the mirror.
I need a healthy diet.
Something that will make my body feel healthier.
Something that won't cause me to lose too much weight.
Just the right amount.
Suggestions are always welcome.
I'm doing research on different diets now.
Please tell me of the diets you have tried in the past,
Or are currently trying.
XOXO Katie
I'm going to shake you but it's in love. I'm at least 50 pounds heavier. I mean, I'm tall and I lift so there's muscle weight but I just want you to tell yourself that it's all in your head. Seriously. I had to do that for a long time and until it started to work but you can't speak to yourself that way. You've seen my photos and even said I look good. Whether it was flattery or not, I just want to be logical with you. I'm being stern doing this, I know but would you tell me that? Would you say, "You're fat and you look three months pregnant."? No. You wouldn't. Logically you look even smaller than I do. It's all in your mind. It's the disorder. I can't stress that enough. So stop it. Stop speaking to yourself that way because frankly I'm tired of it. You're kind, sweet, beautiful, and a hard working mom. You have no right to undermine any achievements you've made or work you've put in.
ReplyDeleteOkay, now that I've pepped talked you, I recommend clean foods. It's about a lifestyle, not a diet. Baked chicken, fish, rice because it's a great complex carb, fruits, veggies, nuts, nonfat Greek yogurt, cottage cheese. The good stuff. The second thing I had to do was teach myself that food is fuel, not evil. You eat throughout the day and you give yourself what you need. I'm preaching I know but I want you to be happy and I want you to see that you have such amazing capabilities. That's what I eat although I have a huge ice cream/Frozen Yogurt weakness. I don't gain weight and I don't lose weight I just maintain and feel good and focused in class and at the gym.
I know I get on the recovery pedestal I just don't want to be the person that's okay with you being where you are. If I did that then saying I cared about you would be a lie. I want you to be the best you can, happy, and healthy. You're not fat. You don't look pregnant. You are beautiful. I love you.
I hate how just one or two pounds can change our mindsets so severely. Whenever I'm trying to convince myself to be okay with my weight, I sit down and ask myself what will be different. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but it always gets me thinking. What is the difference between weighing 99 and weighing 100? Is it just the number? Would you know the difference if you didn't step on that little evil box?
ReplyDeleteI'm going to echo Eve here. Focus on clean eating, whole foods. Lean protein, fruit & vege, wholegrains, low-fat dairy, nuts, that sorta thing. Add a short walk around the block once or twice a day if you have the time. Please don't try any radical diets when you're just looking to lose one or two lbs. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite, and I don't want you to think I'm saying that you need to lose weight (you don't), but you can get there with little changes to your daily routine without doing anything drastic.
Lots of love. You're in my thoughts xx