First and foremost, I want to say welcome and thank you to my new followers. I am so excited that people actually want to read what I have to write. I have had this blog for a year and a half now and I have met some of the most amazing people on here over this time. And I've had a chance to expand my writing abilities and find who I am through writing.
So back onto what's going on in the life of Katie. T and I are no longer living together. I decided that I needed time to grow and find out who I am outside of a relationship. It was really tough the first few days being away from him, but I am getting the opportunity to grow. I'm finding out who I am as a mother, a friend, a girlfriend. But I also want to find out who I am besides those things.
My ed has been a bit rough on me for the past couple of weeks or so. I've barely been keeping anything down and still taking my laxies. Despite the purging, I have only lost 1lb. I didn't weigh myself this morning because I was in the hospital last night due to the nausea that hit me really hard yesterday. But as of yesterday, I was at 100lbs exact. Just a few more pounds and I will be content.
I wish I didn't have this overwhelming fear of the triple digits. It really doesn't make sense. I'm 5'3" and in reality, I'm supposed to be 115-120lbs. I honestly don't think I could allow myself that high without relapsing full speed.
Work is going decent at the moment. I mean there is nothing glamorous about working at a strip club, but the nights that I do work, I make decent money. I was supposed to work last night, but about a half hour after I got there, I changed and went home. Every time I was on stage I felt like I was going to puke. I have been constantly nauseous since yesterday morning. The doctor told me that I have a viral infection which could possibly be cause by my laxative abuse. Those damn things have done so much damage to my body.
So anyway, I hope everyone is doing well. Lots of love.
XOXO Katie
You know what works best for you and what triggers your ED. If you can cope with maintaining in the high 90s for now, that's okay. It's better than pushing yourself to reach a healthy BMI when you know it'd send you backwards. Baby steps dear. One day 3-digits won't seem so daunting.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you've caught such a nasty virus! Fingers crossed it clears up soon.
Lots of love to you Katie dear. I hope 2014 gives you the opportunity to grow and discover more about yourself. You are more than your labels, it just takes time to figure it out.
xx
I hope you can find yourself and who you want to be and are. You're amazing, and of live to see you again sometime if you're up for it. Xx
ReplyDeleteI said it before and want to say it again. I am SO proud of you for working to maintain your weight just under 100. I'm glad you realize what your weight should be for health. That's a huge step! One day, I believe you will be comfortable with triple digits and that 105-110 will be good, as you'll be at a low but healthy bmi. I hope you can give the laxies up for a little, your body needs the break to heal! Thinking of you :) xoxo
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