Living with migraines

I swear this is the worse pain I've ever had to deal with. As most of you know, I was admitted to the hospital a couple weeks ago for them and they thought that it was meningitis, but the migraines are continuing. T thinks it's stress. I'm not even sure anymore. Even today, when I've had a good day, my head is killing me. Last night it was as bad as it was the day I went to the hospital. With the migraines, it makes it difficult to do anything. It makes it hard to eat. Which in turn triggers my eating disorder. I've done good since my last post and I've at all 3 meals each day. I haven't been able to journal in awhile. I haven't taken any time to myself. I'm just trying to stay busy all the time so I'm not concentrating on my eating disorder thoughts. I have an ultrasound tomorrow to find out how large my cyst is this time. It's causing me a lot of pain and I'm so over it. I'm over being drug down by pain all the time. I have decided that I am going to go back through my binder from EDC and read some of the stuff I worked on during treatment. And go through my recovery toolbox and utilize what I have in there to help with how I'm feeling lately. I am going to read my Relapse Prevention Plan and focus on the things that I've gained since being in treatment. I can't lose sight of what's important. I talked to a friend of mine today that I haven't talked to in quite awhile and she told me that she thought a couple months ago that she would be attending my funeral next year with the way I was going. This breaks my heart that I never took notice to how many people actually cared about me and wanted me to fight. Now I see that. I see all the supportive people I have in my life and my reasons to live. My boys, my family, T, and my life is a reason for me to keep fighting. I've also realized that I am not going to get what I want from people who don't want me in their life. I've been trying to connect with my dad again. Trying to get together so we can discuss our fight and whether or not we are going to get past all of this, but he's not showing interest. I've made the first calls, I've made the suggestion we get together, but it's going unheard. And I'm working on accepting that. I can't make him love me. I can't make anyone want me in their life. So I am going to embrace myself and work on what I need to do to be successful for my needs, not his. I'm not making anymore phone calls. I'm not making anymore suggestions. It's in his hands now, and I need to accept that. I've always strived for his love and wanted him to love me like a father is supposed to, but I need to realize that I've got so many people around me that love me and need me in their lives. This is going to take awhile, but I know I will get there eventually. I'm talking to my doctor again this week about my migraines and explain to him how they're not getting better. And I'm going to a support group as well this weekend. So I'm moving in the right direction. I will see the brighter side of all of this. Much love.
XOXO Katie