Another year gone by

Well today is the last day of 2014. I just got done reading my first post of this year and wow, how things have changed. I made a goal to stay between 96 and 98lbs over the year. Well obviously that didn't happen seeing as I got pregnant, and you know what, I am totally fine with that. A year ago, I took back my job at the club. That place is a terrible memory. I don't talk about it much because I hate myself for ever taking that job in the first place. A year ago I was happy with the friends that I had made. I really can't believe how much has changed in this last year.
I guess first off I want to say; I am incredibly blessed with where this year has left me. My boys are healthy and smart. Although there are some days when I want to sell them on Craigslist (kidding.) I got a healthy, full term baby girl. Even though it was a rough pregnancy and I didn't think I'd ever see the end, I'm so thankful I made it full term and she is absolutely perfect. T and I are stronger than ever. Life has shit all over us this year (circumstances out of our control) but we have made it through another year and I am more in love with him with each passing day. We celebrated our 3 year anniversary back in September and that man never ceases to amaze me.
On the eating disorder topic, I managed to keep it under control during my pregnancy. Although every day the thoughts were there, the behaviors were not. It was extremely difficult at first, but every day it got a bit easier. I was only a month into recovery when I got pregnant, so I did start my pregnancy "underweight" but I managed to gain 12lbs my pregnancy. It has became a bit of a challenge ever since Syrsha was born and I am fully aware of it. The thoughts are there almost constant and the urges are there every time I eat, but I have to have faith that I will not give in. Syrsha is 3 weeks old today and I have lost all my pregnancy weight plus 3. I was 102lbs when I weighed myself this morning. I am still eating all 3 meals but I am breastfeeding and I really do believe that is the reason why the weight is coming off so quickly.
This year has also shown me the true colors of people. My other best friend "E" decided that she was going to cut all contact off with me, without explanation. It's been since May since she has spoken to me. And even though I have tried several times to at least find out why she no longer wanted to talk to me, it's proven to be a dead end. She has ignored texts, calls, Facebook messages, shit, I even showed up at her work. So a 13 year friendship ended this year and I am not even sure why. And finally a couple months ago, I gave up trying to figure out why. I came to peace with it because obviously I didn't mean anything to her, so she wasn't worth the tears anymore.
I also lost another close friend this year. My friend "S" who I've been friends with since I was 14, ended our friendship this year as well. I'm pretty sure I wrote about him at the beginning of the year when he was sick in the hospital and we were scared for his life. I went and visited him in the hospital several times, made sure he knew that I was always going to be there for him, and was confident that our friendship was staying strong. Then about a month after he got out of the hospital, he sent me a text stating that he couldn't be friends with me any longer because he was tired of fighting with his girlfriend over our friendship. She felt insecure that him and I were friends because we dated for a whole month when we were 15. So there goes a 10 year friendship out the window. Those were the two biggest downfalls in my friend circle this year.
So I'm not sure I am going to make New Year's resolutions for 2015. Because I am happy with my weight, just not my body. So the main goal I am going to set is to make it to the gym 2-3 times a week. I want to add muscle and tone my body. I want my abs back lol. I am going to make a goal to not get back up to almost 2 packs of cigarettes a day. As of right now, I am between 5-9 a day and I'd like to keep it at that, if not quit all together eventually. One of my resolutions that I had made for 2014 was to go back to school, and while I did do that, I had to withdraw to be put on bed rest. So one of my goals for 2015 is to do something with my life. I'm not sure if that means going to Culinary Arts school, or get a job, but I do want to do something productive with my time. And my biggest goal for 2015 is to be a better me just in general. A better mother, wife, friend. I want to better myself.
Tell me, what are your goals for this year? Did you keep the ones you made for 2014? I hope this post finds you all well and healthy.
Lots of Love,
XOXO Katie